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Most of the people believe money is a very important consideration when choosing a job as it can help you get a better lifestyle, however there are some who believe it is more important to have a job you enjoy an d not money will need to greater happiness and a more balanced personal life.discuss both views and give youerror own opinion

#people #money #consideration #job #lifestyle #happiness #life #youerror
It is widely agreed that a high
salary
 should be a priority when deciding on a
job
,
while
 some people
also
 agree that enjoying the
job
 itself is important. In the following paragraph, we will discuss both perspectives based on financial condition and mental health before concluding it. On the one hand, a high
salary
 is one notable requirement when deciding on a
job
. As we know, the lifestyle we can afford
such
 as a dream house, supercar, bag and holiday abroad depends on the amount of
salary
 we get.
In addition
, having financial stability is paramount for anyone and it is proven by research that having financial struggles leads to depression and inferiority, it is because of the fact that each people have dependents and responsibilities and they are unable to fulfil them.
Therefore
,
salary
 has a big impact on our daily basis.
On the other hand
, pressuring something to ourselves can cause tension, stress and depression. When we do not have passion in our
job
 or have a bad work
environment
, it can be the root of huge problems
such
 as unmotivation, low performance and mental sickness.
Nevertheless
, a good
environment
 resulting better relationships between employees and
also
 increases productivity because employees are able to communicate their needs and enhance their creativity.
For instance
, many investigations in Korea state that people have experienced a lack of motivation to work
due to
 the toxic
environment
 in their company.
Due to
this
 fact, it is important to consider work-life balance other than only a high
salary
 when choosing an opportunity.
To conclude
, both money and enjoying the
job
 are important things before selecting a
job
.
Although
 money plays a big role in our lives in terms of lifestyle and financial stability, work-life balance should
also
 be a consideration because it affects our mental health
such
 as avoiding a toxic work
environment
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both perspectives on the importance of salary and job satisfaction. However, aim to provide more specific examples for a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay structure is clear and coherent, some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing could be improved. Try proofreading your practice essays or use grammar check tools.
task achievement
You successfully introduced both perspectives and provided a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • job satisfaction
  • personal fulfillment
  • burnout
  • mental health
  • productivity
  • creativity
  • motivation
  • engagement
  • well-rounded life
  • remuneration
  • personal values
  • career goals
  • long-term happiness
  • healthcare
  • education
  • luxurious lifestyle
  • peace of mind
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