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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that children should follow their parents’ advice, however, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #parents’ #advice
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There are opposing views about following parental advice by
children
 which one group
is agree
Change the verb form
agrees
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 with and the other refute
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. It seems to me,
children
 must possess their own style to live. On the one hand, the advocates of parents’ advice
believes
Change the verb form
believe
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 that the mothers and fathers recognize right from wrong more effectively. A case in point is that they know how to spend their money in a beneficial way or invest much more than the young.
Furthermore
, the parents are more experienced
such
 that they have had several years to test variable situations in their
life
. Some of these experiences helped them to promote in their job or
life
 and some fell them into trouble.
On the other hand
, the opponent may argue that following the sheer parents’ instruction has its disadvantages
such
 as the fact that it destroys youth’s self-confidence and leads them to become independent when they grow up.
For instance
,
this
 lack of confidence shows itself once they want to marry and establish their independent
life
 from their immediate family, they will have many headaches communicating with their spouse.
Moreover
, following only parental guidance without taking any risks is likely to demolish the
children
’s innovation. The worst effect of
this
 is the fear of doing anything new;
therefore
, there will be no improvement in the career,
for example
. From my point of view, while parents’ advice may depict a certain way to the
children
 these kinds of guidance cannot make better members for society. Each person should have his or her own
life
-style by acting in their own way to be happy starting from their childhood.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 the world is expanding via new events and facilities which our ancestors did not face.
Thus
 we need more confident and dependent people with innovative ideas to match with new technologies and make the world a better place to live. In conclusion,
although
 following in parents’ footsteps may assist
children
 in their
life
, it may put down their independence which is destructive in my opinion
Submitted by aabdollahpour on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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