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Band 5.5

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #crimes #parents
It is argued by some that youth crime should be restricted by the
laws
while
 others believe that
this
 is the
parent
Change noun form
parent's
show examples
 responsibility.
Although
 the former view can be true to some extent, in my opinion, the latter view is more reasonable. On the one hand, there are many reasons that lead people to believe that juvenile crime has to be punished on account of some reasons. One of them is that kids or teenagers need to be responsible for what they have done, especially breaking the
laws
Fix the agreement mistake
law
show examples
. To be more specific, if the punishment applies to young people, they will remember and won’t
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reoffended
Correct your spelling
reoffend
.
Additionally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals can use the kids to violate the
laws
 without any restriction by the regulations.
For example
, criminals can use
children
 to rob a bank, and the police will see the problem that the kid is breaking the
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
.
However
, they will pass
this
 problem because they are just
children
.
On the other hand
, I hold a firm belief that in delinquency crimes
parents
 should be punished
instead
 because the
children
 are not well educated.
In other words
, if the kids get involved in criminal activities, it is probably because the
parents
 have not taught their
children
 correctly and correctly.
Moreover
,
children
, in general, do not have enough awareness about what is right and wrong, and it will be unfair if the government punishes them.
Thus
, the
parents
 will have to be responsible and be compensated for what their child did.
In particular
,
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the
children
 started breaking the
laws
, it was already the
parents
' job to teach them probably about good and bad things to do. The
laws
 are especially the strictest rules in the country. In conclusion, youth crimes being punished can be justifiable in some aspects, yet I still strongly believe that
parents
 should be taking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility for their
children
 since it is unfair for little
children
 to be restricted by
laws
.
Submitted by tungpns1811 on

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task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly outline your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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