New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The development of new technologies
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
drastically changed the way children spend their free time.
This
fact has both advantages and disadvantages and in
this
essay, I will discuss both. In my opinion, I firmly believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages and
that is
because the emergence of these new technologies have had bad effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children's health and turned them into lazy sloth bears.
To begin
with, the arrival of these modern
machineries
Change the wording
machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
show examples
have been beneficial for the little ones. Machines like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
computers, laptops, tablets, i-phones provide an open window for these little ones to grasp more knowledge and broaden their horizons. In their free time they can read articles, books apart from their academic guides on computers, laptops and learn about geography, astronomy and other things. With the advancement of
science
Add a comma
,science
show examples
they can socialise with kids from other countries and learn their cultures and languages.
On the contrary
, the development of these modern
automations
Correct your spelling
automation
had an immense amount of bad effects on the
kids's
Remove the s
kids'
show examples
lives.
For instance
, in their spare
hours
Add a comma
,hours
show examples
they stay indoors playing video games
instead
of going out and participating in outdoor activities.
As a result
, young ones are falling prey to obesity and laziness at a very young age. According to some recent reports and studies in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
heartproblems
Correct your spelling
heart problems
, obesity and other ailments have become common in teenagers now. To put it more simply, in the past teenagers used to be more active and their life expectancy rates used to be higher as they used to spend their spare hours playing outdoor games like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
football, cricket and many different sports. To conclude, like the two sides of a coin there are both benefits and downfalls to the emergence of modern
automations
Correct your spelling
automation
. As mentioned earlier in the essay, I hold the view that
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
of these contemporary
machineries
Change the wording
machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
show examples
outweigh the advantages as they have awful effects on children's well-being.
Submitted by maimunazaman474 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Cyberbullying
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Inappropriate content
  • Self-learning
  • Screen time
  • Social inequality
  • Enhanced communication
  • Creative expression
  • Educational resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: