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Writing Samples
Band 4

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #adults #behaviour #changes #differences #children’s #place
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In today's world, the social
behaviour
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 of children is changing gradually as they become
adults
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. Their thinking and acting capacity have fluctuated as time increases.
Furthermore
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, the differences between youth and adult
behaviour
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 are always expanding. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the gap between the young and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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older
people
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, and,
additionally
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, the changes that
take
Wrong verb form
are taking
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 place
well
Rephrase
apply
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. There are many differences in
behaviour
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among
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between
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adolescents and
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adults'
Correct your spelling
adults
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people
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.
The youngsters
Correct article usage
Youngsters
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 can
take
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make
show examples
 more risky and adventurous decisions as compared to
adults
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.
For example
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, in the Olympic games, the majority of the participants were from young age groups. They can make any decision for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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as well as
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 for
the
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apply
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society which really
effect
Verb problem
affects
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 the nations in a broader sense.
On the other hand
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, sometimes, young make a decision which hampers themselves and their family.
For instance
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, in Bangladesh, a group named "Kishore Gang" is making
conflict
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conflicts
show examples
 and
collision
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collisions
show examples
 with other
people
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.
However
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, the
adults
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 always try to make an intelligent decision that will be beneficial for the community. They do not make any conflict or collision.
Thus
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, there
have
Verb problem
are
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 many differences between the
behaviour
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 of juveniles and
matures
Wrong verb form
mature
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people
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.
Although
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 the changes that take place
among
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in
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 the infant community are unwelcoming, not all diversity is harmful to society
as well as
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for
Change preposition
to
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 the country. The adventurous and risky decisions will help the children to grow faster in
this
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 modern era. To give an example, in the modern world, children need to be innovative with some challenges in their life
for making
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to make
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 a better world in the future.
As a result
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, these natures among youth will be blessings for them.
To conclude
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, though there are many dissimilarities between infant and
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adults
Change the noun form
adult
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behaviour
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, some of the characteristics of a child
is
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are
show examples
 badly needed for any nation.
Therefore
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, These changes greatly help them to move forward in their life as they improve their confidence level.
Submitted by shossain9 on

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task response
The essay lacks a clear and comprehensive response to the task. Ensure to fully address all parts of the prompt and provide a balanced and relevant argument with supporting examples.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. There is inconsistency in the development of ideas and the flow of the essay. Use clear and cohesive transitions to connect ideas and create a coherent structure.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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