IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment in essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
Some individuals argue that the death penalty controls serious felonies
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 taking place and increase
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 security. The paragraphs below will outline a strong agreement with
this
 statement, as it diminishes the number of offenders returning to social living and impedes the remaining ones of offending.
To begin
 with, the main reason why I think that the maintenance of the death penalty in society is important is due to the fact that it would avoid felony perpetrators
to return
Change the verb form
returning
show examples
 to social living.
For instance
, serious transgressions
such
 as rape, murder, kidnapping and
pedophilia
Change the spelling
paedophilia
show examples
 have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 rate of relapse in the
first
 months after liberation, indicating that these criminals might probably repeat their crime. As a permanent solution, the capital punishment institution would decrease the possibility of meeting a former
prisioner
Correct your spelling
prisoner
 whose
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
 were classified as heinous,
thus
, our lives would be more secure.
Furthermore
, another reason why I deem
important
Correct pronoun usage
it important
show examples
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 capital punishment institution to control the numbers of offenders is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 it would encourage people to hesitate before committing a transgression. Psychologically speaking, people who have committed any of the above-mentioned criminal wrongdoings are mainly diagnosed as sociopaths that are not capable of
understading
Correct your spelling
understanding
 other people's feelings, assisting them to not feel guilty or regret after hurting someone deeply.
Although
, sociopaths are able to fear for themselves.
Therefore
, the death penalty is
also
 fundamental to control crimes of violence by the fear of dying as a consequence. To conclude, I strongly agree that without capital punishment, living in
community
Correct article usage
a community
show examples
 would be less secure and more serious
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
 would take place, as it would possibly liberate criminals whose crimes have
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 relapse rate and fear of
dying
Replace the word
death
show examples
 would not be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 additional motive
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 stopping sociopaths.
Submitted by alexandretco on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: