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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others think that people cannot expect to enjoy a job and that having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A sizable share of citizens are convinced that it is more beneficial to get satisfaction out of
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 rather than out of its stability.
In contrast
Linking Words
, others believe that the sustainability of workplaces outweighs the feelings of satisfaction. Some people argue that jobs should be secure so that employees can predict what to expect in the future. By having
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
show examples
 understanding regarding their salaries, workers can allocate their budgets for their basic daily needs without any difficulties.
This
Linking Words
 can enable them not to make any additional efforts, which could be required in other positions, because everything is obvious and they perform all the responsibilities on autopilot, even if they do not enjoy what they do.
For example
Linking Words
, roughly 30% of
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
 do not change their career because of the stability they are provided by their current employers.
However
Linking Words
, I do not support
this
Linking Words
 position as
such
Linking Words
 a strategy is a substantial threat to people's personal development. By staying
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same positions for decades, many of them do not make any progress. I share the view of those who consider that work should bring happiness to employees rather than be stable.
This
Linking Words
 is because citizens who are fond of the activities they are involved in receive constant inspiration from their work.
This
Linking Words
, in turn, can lead them to their personal growth and development making them successful. Recent research published by the Times
broadsheat
Correct your spelling
broadsheet
 has reported that over 50% of affluent people across the globe became successful as their professions are their passions.
Hence
Linking Words
, only
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable
show examples
 job can provide workers with financial progress,
as well as
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
emotional stability. In conclusion, despite those who argue that jobs should be secure to provide employees with clear expectations regarding their future, I am absolutely convinced that if working places are enjoyable, it will ensure workers faster and greater success.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline your main arguments in the introduction for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied linking phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or data in support of your points to strengthen your arguments.
positive
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both views effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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