IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others think that people cannot expect to enjoy a job and that having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A sizable share of citizens are convinced that it is more beneficial to get satisfaction out of
job
Correct article usage
the job

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 rather than out of its stability.
In contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, others believe that the sustainability of workplaces outweighs the feelings of satisfaction. Some people argue that jobs should be secure so that employees can predict what to expect in the future. By having
clear
Correct article usage
a clear

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 understanding regarding their salaries, workers can allocate their budgets for their basic daily needs without any difficulties.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 can enable them not to make any additional efforts, which could be required in other positions, because everything is obvious and they perform all the responsibilities on autopilot, even if they do not enjoy what they do.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, roughly 30% of
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers

The word labours doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
 do not change their career because of the stability they are provided by their current employers.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I do not support
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 position as
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a strategy is a substantial threat to people's personal development. By staying
at
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 the same positions for decades, many of them do not make any progress. I share the view of those who consider that work should bring happiness to employees rather than be stable.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is because citizens who are fond of the activities they are involved in receive constant inspiration from their work.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in turn, can lead them to their personal growth and development making them successful. Recent research published by the Times
broadsheat
Correct your spelling
broadsheet

If you don’t want broadsheat to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

has reported that over 50% of affluent people across the globe became successful as their professions are their passions.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, only
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 job can provide workers with financial progress,
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
with
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
emotional stability. In conclusion, despite those who argue that jobs should be secure to provide employees with clear expectations regarding their future, I am absolutely convinced that if working places are enjoyable, it will ensure workers faster and greater success.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline your main arguments in the introduction for better clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied linking phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or data in support of your points to strengthen your arguments.
positive
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both views effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: