IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people say that fashion affects our lives in a negative way. However, others say that it has more positive effects on our lives. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #fashion #lives #effects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 fashionable world, the great influence of
fashion
Use synonyms
 has changed the way
people
Use synonyms
 are concerned about their clothing more than in the past, leading to some negative effects on our society.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 disagree with that. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the negative and positive impacts of
fashion
Use synonyms
 with several reasons why I think that it is more beneficial to our lives. On the one hand, the improvement of the
fashion
Use synonyms
 industry can adversely affect various societies, whether in mature persons or especially in younger generations. The main drawback is that
people
Use synonyms
 tend to care too much about what they should wear to presentations outside, particularly in teenagers who want to be accepted by their friends and be a popular person in school.
For instance
Linking Words
, they would be worried about how to look well all the time outdoors and sometimes have to rely on expensive clothes which can make them feel popular but being fashionable you have to pay more and more,
eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 would end up wasting money unconsciously.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 can control themselves to deal with a monetary problem, the Fed provides enormous positive effects in
this
Linking Words
 modern world.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it provides broader opportunities for everyone to create their
fashion
Use synonyms
 styles and encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to be more creative.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
fashion
Use synonyms
 can convey their identity to the public as much as they want based on their
fashion
Use synonyms
 styles. An example, in US high school, students have been allowed to get dressed independently to go to school , at
this
Linking Words
point
Add a comma
,point
show examples
 there are several types of students’ clothes there that can present their singularity. In conclusion, it is apparent that being a fashionable person can waste your money uselessly,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 I believe that
fashion
Use synonyms
 can provide a lot of benefits to wider communities in broader fields.
Submitted by Preawlinz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: