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Writing Samples
Band 7

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway line for very fast trains between cities. Other believe that money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #line #trains #cities #transport
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It is argued that investing more money to construct new railways is crucial
while
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 others assert that allocating a budget to improve existing public conveyance is equally vital. I believe that these two actions can shape a harmonious development if they can be done simultaneously.
This
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 essay will shed some light on the issue and discuss both points of view. On the one hand, constructing new railways could provide an alternative choice to
people
Use synonyms
 for using public transportation.
For example
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, Indonesia released a new means of transportation connecting
Jakarta
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, its capital city, with Bandung, namely “WOOSH”, a bullet train.
People
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 can commute between these cities in only 45 minutes
whereas
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 if they take buses or use their own cars will allocate time from 3 to
4hours
Correct your spelling
4 hours
.
As a result
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, it can save
people
Use synonyms
 from time-consuming activities and make their lives easier.
On the other hand
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, improving existing public transport is
also
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 critical. Take
Jakarta
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for example
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, governments are struggling to find solutions to handle traffic congestion in
this
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 big city. Authorities put their focus on improving the transport facilities
such
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 as maximizing the use of “Transjakarta”, public busses, that operate to
Wrong verb form
accommodate
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accommodating
Wrong verb form
accommodate
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to move around
Jakarta
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 or even to neighbouring cities of
Jakarta
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. They are maintaining their stations (bus stops) so that they can accommodate a large number of
people
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, adding more buses, and managing their routes.
Consequently
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, these initiatives can lead
people
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 to have an awareness of using public conveyance.
To sum up
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, allocating money for expanding new lines on railways and maximizing the current facilities are two of the solutions that the government can focus on. I believe that committing to these actions can gradually solve the problems in big cities
as well as
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 shit
people
Use synonyms
’s attitude towards considering always taking public transportation.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that introduction and conclusion succinctly present your main arguments and convey your opinion distinctly to the reader. Also, work on linking sentences more smoothly to enhance your argument's flow.
Task Achievement
Focus on developing clear position throughout the essay. While stating both sides of the argument, make sure your own view is pronounced early and justified throughout the essay.
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