IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
Nowadays sharing
information
 is one of the most indispensable
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
 in the world. Some argue that people should be informed about
various
Add an article
a various
show examples
range
Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
show examples
 of
data
 while others believe it would be wrong that individuals have access to all of
details
Add an article
the details
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are excessive valuable, freely. expositing to
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
 amount of
data
 have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 result in
every one’s
Replace the word
everyone’s
show examples
 life. In fact, through
this
,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 acquire more knowledge in different areas and be able to take the advantage of it and contribute to boost their society as well as broaden their mind.
For instance
, when somebody
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 business or academic news, it is more likely to plan more carefully for career or academic
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
, based on state-of-the-art research.
On the other hand
, some
information
 is invaluable and could not be distributed freely.
Data
such
 as experiences in
array
Add an article
an array
show examples
 of scientific fields that gain by persons who meet a lot of difficulties to find out it must not
be disclose
Change the verb form
be disclosed
show examples
 easily to everyone.
Therefore
, we should give them the right to protect their valuable details and keep
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a secret rather than sharing
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. There are individuals who may want to share their knowledge in exchange
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 money, in
this
 way they can get rewarded for their efforts and
also
 benefit others from
this
information
. In conclusion, I believe sharing
information
 is necessary to keep abreast with cutting-edge development
thus
 in some situations having access to all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
data
 freely is not fair
as a result
 of ownership
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
.
Submitted by sa.parisa202 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
Look at other essays: