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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that Financial School should be mandatory in schools. Others say that there are more important topics. Discuss both statement and give your opinion.

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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate over which financial education must be taught in
schools
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.
While
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 some people argue that
students
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 must focus on core competencies, I strongly believe that financial literacy should be taught in
schools
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 to prepare them for adult
life
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.
Body · 1
On the one hand, the main advantage of learning finance in school is that it prepares
students
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 to become financially aware in the future. Financial lessons can help young people avoid debt and bad choices. Many
students
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 leave school without knowing how credit cards work or how to make a budget. If they learn
this
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 early, they may feel more ready for real
life
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.
For instance
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, they will know early on how to save and invest;
therefore
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, they will be wise in how they spend their money, avoiding the debt trap and consumptive
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
, which would affect them adversely.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, some people think that the additional finance course will increase
students
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' burden, leading to more stress.
Schools
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 already have many subjects, and time is limited. They think core subjects
such
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 as math, science, reading, and language are more important because they build the base for future study and work.
Moreover
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, financial skills can be taught at home or learned later in
life
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. They may say
schools
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 should focus on broad knowledge,
while
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 parents and
life
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 experience can teach
students
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 how to manage money.
Conclusion
In conclusion, financial education should be taught at school, but it does not need to take up too much time.
Schools
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 can include it as a short course or as part of math or social studies, so
students
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 gain useful
life
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 skills without losing time for other key subjects.

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task response
Answer both sides more evenly. The side about other school topics is a bit short.
task response
Give one more clear example for the other side to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Use the exact task words more clearly. Write about why it should be mandatory, not only useful.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are good, but do not use too many long parts in one sentence. Keep ideas simple and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea start with a very clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word choice problems like 'Financial School' and 'which financial education must be taught'. These can make meaning less clear.
task response
You clearly give both sides and your own opinion.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to follow and mostly stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' help the reader follow your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial education = learning about money and how to use it
  • mandatory = required by rule
  • budget = a plan for how to spend money
  • save = keep money for future use
  • spend = use money to buy things
  • debt = money that you owe
  • loan = money borrowed from a bank or person
  • credit card = a card used to buy now and pay later
  • tax = money paid to the government
  • adult life = life after childhood
  • core subjects = main school subjects
  • real-life skills = useful skills for daily life
  • manage money = control how money is used
  • basic knowledge = simple but important information
  • life experience = learning from real situations
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