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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write about the following topic: At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
Presently , some nations have a high percentage of young adults in comparison to old
people
. The advantages of younger
people
 that provide the workforce required for robust economic activities and have
lesser
Add an article
a lesser
show examples
 burden of disease for a society to support, outweigh the disadvantages of inexperience, which is more in the elderly. Young persons are playing
instrumental
Add an article
an instrumental
show examples
 role by providing necessary manpower in the development of countries. They have all the characteristics namely energy, enthusiasm and passion that are pre-requisites of a healthy workforce.
People
 in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 stages of life work hard to gain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and have healthy competition among same age persons.
For example
, Kuwait has one of the youngest
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 in the world with 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 below the age of 40, resultantly contribution of the younger is proportionately higher.
Therefore
,
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
show examples
 workforce
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a positive impact on the growth of a country.
Furthermore
, the quantum of disease is less in young as compared to
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 which has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on economic parameters. Take
for example
 Japan has a large share of old
people
 in its population and it results in
expenditure
Add an article
the expenditure
an expenditure
show examples
 of
heavy
Correct article usage
a heavy
show examples
 amount for the treatment of
age related
Add a hyphen
age-related
show examples
 health issues.
This
 trend will negatively impact
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if it continues for some more time.
On the other hand
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 have
advantage
Add an article
the advantage
show examples
 of being more experienced in doing things and are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 as they have already spent a lot of time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gaining experience.
For example
, in my department seniors help a lot to train and develop
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
show examples
 of juniors.
However
, the actual work is still being performed by the younger
people
. In conclusion,
although
 elderly individuals help promote nurture
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation with their experience,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 the advantages of energy and healthy manpower outweigh its disadvantage of less experience.
Submitted by doctalat on

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