IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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Presently , some nations have a high percentage of young adults in comparison to old
people
Use synonyms
. The advantages of younger
people
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 that provide the workforce required for robust economic activities and have
lesser
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a lesser
show examples
 burden of disease for a society to support, outweigh the disadvantages of inexperience, which is more in the elderly. Young persons are playing
instrumental
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an instrumental
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 role by providing necessary manpower in the development of countries. They have all the characteristics namely energy, enthusiasm and passion that are pre-requisites of a healthy workforce.
People
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 in
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 stages of life work hard to gain
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and have healthy competition among same age persons.
For example
Linking Words
, Kuwait has one of the youngest
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 in the world with 70
percent
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per cent
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 below the age of 40, resultantly contribution of the younger is proportionately higher.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
show examples
 workforce
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a positive impact on the growth of a country.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the quantum of disease is less in young as compared to
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 which has
negative
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a negative
show examples
 impact on economic parameters. Take
for example
Linking Words
 Japan has a large share of old
people
Use synonyms
 in its population and it results in
expenditure
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the expenditure
an expenditure
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 of
heavy
Correct article usage
a heavy
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 amount for the treatment of
age related
Add a hyphen
age-related
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 health issues.
This
Linking Words
 trend will negatively impact
,
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apply
show examples
 if it continues for some more time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 have
advantage
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the advantage
show examples
 of being more experienced in doing things and are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
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 as they have already spent a lot of time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gaining experience.
For example
Linking Words
, in my department seniors help a lot to train and develop
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
show examples
 of juniors.
However
Linking Words
, the actual work is still being performed by the younger
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 elderly individuals help promote nurture
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation with their experience,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 the advantages of energy and healthy manpower outweigh its disadvantage of less experience.
Submitted by doctalat on

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