IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both view and giving your opinion

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Nowadays,
computers
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 are being frequently used in studies. Many people believe
,
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this
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 is an efficient way to teach students.
Whereas
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, others consider that, it is effecting negatively on
student
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's cognitive activity. In my opinion, the advantages of using
computers
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 in
education
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 outweigh the drawbacks. Advocates of computer use in
education
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 argue that it enhances learning efficiency and accessibility.
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Student
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Students
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 can access vast amounts of information online, and digital tools make learning interactive and engaging.
For example
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,
education
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 platforms like Suprio Academy offer free courses, breaking barriers for students worldwide. So, I think it is essential for students to learn from
computers
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 alongside
with
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online resources. Critics of computer-based
education
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 warn of its detrimental effects on
student
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's social and cognitive development. Excessive screen time can lead to health issues like eye strain and reduce interpersonal communication skills.
For instance
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, research has shown that
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 over-reliance on technology can hinder critical thinking and problem-solving skills. But I think that
,
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 it could be manageable by maintaining
time
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a time
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 span on screens and
also
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 doing some physical activity rather than staying for long hours sitting on to the desk. Despite these challenges, I firmly believe that the advantages of
computers
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 in
education
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 can be maximized
while
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 mitigating the drawbacks. Teachers and parents should monitor
student
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's screen time and encourage a mix of online and offline activities. Incorporating collaborative projects and discussions into computer-based learning can address the concern about social skill development. In conclusion,
while
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computers
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 offer incredible
in
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education
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, they
also
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 bring some challenges.
However
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, with proper regulation and balanced usage, the advantages of
computers
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 in
education
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 far outweigh the disadvantages.

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task achievement
Ensure to use consistent tense throughout the essay to improve clarity.
task achievement
Consider expanding on specific examples to give more depth and context to your arguments.
coherence
Use transition words more frequently to clearly guide the reader through your points and maintain cohesion.
coherence
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and articles, for clearer expression.
coherence
The essay presents a balanced discussion by considering both sides of the argument before concluding with a personal viewpoint.
coherence
The introduction nicely sets up the debate on the use of computers in education and leads smoothly to your opinion.
task achievement
The inclusion of platform examples like 'Suprio Academy' makes your argument more relatable and grounded.
task achievement
A well-articulated conclusion that effectively summarizes your stance and suggests practical measures for addressing the challenges.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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