Some people think that children are having to much free time and this time should be use to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Childhood days are the golden period of
one
's life
. People are divided on the issue that children are given too much leisure time
.However
, this
time
should be utilized for more educational purposes. On the whole, I do believe that they should spend their past
Correct word choice
apply
time
in extracurricular activities
but the role of study could not
be neglected which Wrong verb form
cannot
would
be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
To commence with, the initial years of Wrong verb form
will
one
's life
are the building blocks of a healthy and prosperous career. Therefore
, the importance of these days cannot be ignored. There are ample reasons to justify that children should devote their extra time
to recreational activities
. First and foremost, a healthy child
can achieve every goal in his life
. To be fit and healthy, one
has to indulge themselves
in sports Correct pronoun usage
apply
activities
as it will help to increase the oxygen concentration in the blood and ultimately improves
health and power of concentration. So, they can even perform better Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
at
studies Change preposition
in
also
. For instance
, a survey was conducted in 2018, which stated that,
a Remove the comma
apply
child
who participates in sports having
thirty per cent more chances of getting good grades in school.
Wrong verb form
has
In addition
to it
, every Correct pronoun usage
this
child
is not good at academics. There are some hidden talents present in children as they may be good at painting, playing music and sports. So it is very crucial to give them enough time
to recognize their talent and even they would
have a more successful career if they make their passion a career. To illustrate, a famous Indian cricket player Virat Kohli was an average student but he is now a successful and renowned player of the cricket world. He brings laurels for the nation. Wrong verb form
will
On the other hand
, the importance of studies could not
be ignored because education gives wings to the dreams of a Wrong verb form
cannot
child
. One
has to work a little harder if one
wants to survive in this
era. In this
cut-throat competitive world, a child
has to compete with students all over the globe.
In a nutshell, there is some kind of truth in both opinions. Although
giving extra-large
Correct your spelling
extra
time
to studies is acceptable, but
the value of devoting leisure Remove the conjunction
apply
time
to extracurricular activities
has
much more important to Verb problem
is
have
a healthy and happy Wrong verb form
having
life
.Submitted by Manvir kaur bhatti on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly link each paragraph to the main thesis presented in the introduction, ensuring the essay as a whole addresses the assignment prompt coherently.
task achievement
Consider balancing the discussion between the benefits of leisure activities and the necessity of academic study more evenly to provide a comprehensive view.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction sets up the essay well by indicating uncertainty and discussing the different views of childhood leisure time versus study time.
relevant specific examples
You provided a clear example with Virat Kohli, illustrating the point that success can be achieved through extracurricular talents, not just academics.
supported main points
The essay effectively uses survey data to support the argument about the relationship between physical activity and academic performance.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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