IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children are having to much free time and this time should be use to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Childhood days are the golden period of
one
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's
life
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. People are divided on the issue that children are given too much leisure
time
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 .
However
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,
this
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time
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 should be utilized for more educational purposes. On the whole, I do believe that they should spend their
past
Correct word choice
apply
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time
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 in extracurricular
activities
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 but the role of study
could not
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cannot
show examples
 be neglected which
would
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will
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 be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the initial years of
one
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's
life
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 are the building blocks of a healthy and prosperous career.
Therefore
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, the importance of these days cannot be ignored. There are ample reasons to justify that children should devote their extra
time
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 to recreational
activities
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. First and foremost, a healthy
child
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 can achieve every goal in his
life
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. To be fit and healthy,
one
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 has to indulge
themselves
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apply
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in sports
activities
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 as it will help to increase the oxygen concentration in the blood and ultimately
improves
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improve
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 health and power of concentration. So, they can even perform better
at
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in
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 studies
also
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.
For instance
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 , a survey was conducted in 2018, which stated that
,
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apply
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a
child
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 who participates in sports
having
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has
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 thirty per cent more chances of getting good grades in school.
In addition
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 to
it
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this
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, every
child
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 is not good at academics. There are some hidden talents present in children as they may be good at painting, playing music and sports. So it is very crucial to give them enough
time
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 to recognize their talent and even they
would
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will
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 have a more successful career if they make their passion a career. To illustrate, a famous Indian cricket player Virat Kohli was an average student but he is now a successful and renowned player of the cricket world. He brings laurels for the nation.
On the other hand
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, the importance of studies
could not
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cannot
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 be ignored because education gives wings to the dreams of a
child
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.
One
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 has to work a little harder if
one
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 wants to survive in
this
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 era. In
this
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 cut-throat competitive world, a
child
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 has to compete with students all over the globe. In a nutshell, there is some kind of truth in both opinions.
Although
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 giving
extra-large
Correct your spelling
extra
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time
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 to studies is acceptable,
but
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apply
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the value of devoting leisure
time
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 to extracurricular
activities
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has
Verb problem
is
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 much more important to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a healthy and happy
life
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.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly link each paragraph to the main thesis presented in the introduction, ensuring the essay as a whole addresses the assignment prompt coherently.
task achievement
Consider balancing the discussion between the benefits of leisure activities and the necessity of academic study more evenly to provide a comprehensive view.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction sets up the essay well by indicating uncertainty and discussing the different views of childhood leisure time versus study time.
relevant specific examples
You provided a clear example with Virat Kohli, illustrating the point that success can be achieved through extracurricular talents, not just academics.
supported main points
The essay effectively uses survey data to support the argument about the relationship between physical activity and academic performance.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental effects
  • mental well-being
  • life skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • empathy
  • physical development
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • unstructured play
  • cognitive development
  • academic performance
  • fatigue
  • motivation
  • quality over quantity
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • well-rounded personality
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