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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people assert that it is good for college students to have part-time jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #college #students #jobs
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The importance and popularity of part-time
jobs
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 have grown over the past few years. Some people argue that
college
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students
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 only concentrate on their major.
However
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, I strongly believe that what
students
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 have part-time
jobs
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 should be spread widely.
To begin
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 with, one advantage of having a part-time job is that
students
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 have a good deal of experience through their work.
In other words
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, the experience coming from the part-time job exert a great influence on selecting their full-time
jobs
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.
For example
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, if there were someone who
have
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has
show examples
 trouble
about
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with
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 his major, he would still
agonizing
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agonize
be agonizing
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 whether he
have
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has
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 to keep going or not even after
admissioning
Correct your spelling
admission
admissions
school
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to school
show examples
.
However
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, by behaving, they can judge what they choose about their
jobs
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.
Furthermore
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, they will take action on their major either changing or adding, or they will quite a
college
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. Eventually, they will be able to draw their life
as
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in
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correct
Add an article
the correct
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 direction which they want. On top of that, there is another advantage of working as
part-time
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a part-time
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 worker. To be specific, they can learn
on
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about
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 sense of economy. For
instatnce
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instance
, our parents
be
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are
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 willing to provide financial backing until we graduate our
college
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.
Besides
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, no parents want their children to go through
a
Correct article usage
apply
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hardship, even if they have a financial problem.
In addition
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, they will learn about
value
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the value
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 of money and
Correct article usage
the method
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method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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 of spending money through suffering from
hard-work
Correct your spelling
hard work
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.
Therefore
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, they will be able to have
a good habits
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good habit
good habits
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 of spending money after
then
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. In conclusion, it is clear that working as
part-time
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the part-time
a part-time
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worker
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work
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 is much harder while
students
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 are studying in
college
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.
Nevertheless
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, I suppose that
students
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 should have a part-time job
for
Change preposition
to
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 their
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
.
Submitted by saehwan0s0 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • time management
  • practical experience
  • competitive edge
  • responsibility
  • financial independence
  • budgeting
  • academic performance
  • relevance
  • professional network
  • burnout
  • balance
  • accountability
  • maturity
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