IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that strict punishment for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety.

#people #punishment #offences #traffic #accidents #measures #road #safety
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that strict punishment for driving offences
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the key to reducing
traffic
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accidents
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. Others,
however
Linking Words
, believe that other
measures
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 would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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ad
Change to a plural noun
ads
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 give your own opinion. Some
people
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 argue that having strict punishments for driving offences are the
sliver
Correct your spelling
silver
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 bullet to reduce
traffic
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accidents
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.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
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 believe that other
measures
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 should be taken in order to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road safety. In my opinion, I wholeheartedly claim that serious penalties are more reasonable solutions to reduce
this
Linking Words
 trend than having better
measures
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. On the one hand, it is true that having hasher actions like
fine
Fix the agreement mistake
fines
show examples
,
canceling
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cancelling
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 licenses and locking up drivers who broke serious
rules
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 into jails can decrease the risks of
accidents
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.
For instance
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, in
Singapore
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,Singapore
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 the
rules
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 for driving cars are highly severe by
government
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the government
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they make their citizens pay a lot of fines or putting them into
the
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apply
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jail at once if they have
accidents
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, which they thought those kinds of
accidents
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 rigorous. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
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, their country security systems for
traffic
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accidents
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 are at a low level.
Beside
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Besides
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that
Add a comma
,that
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 the drivers will become more disciplined and alert.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I understand why other
measures
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 are essential in maintaining
traffic
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 orders.
Linking Words
Furthermore
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,Furthermore
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 they can give drivers significant educations about the
traffic
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,
accidents
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, as well as
rules
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 and regulations when driving. Those can ameliorate the drivers’ knowledge.
Nevertheless
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, it will be boring if it
is only teach
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is only taught
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 without limitations.
People
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 might not voluntarily follow the regulations and would break them if possible. To exemplify, Myanmar, which is included in one of
south east
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south-east
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 Asian
country
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countries
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, has
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
rules
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 and regulations.
Hence
Linking Words
,most
people
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 in that country disobey them when it comes to
rules
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
the
Remove the article
apply
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some
people
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 have less knowledge about driving
measures
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 for some
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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.
Thurs
Correct your spelling
Thus
show examples
, the rate of
accidents
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 has been increased. By and large, it is undeniable that improving from both sides can get great results .I personally believe that having punishments is more
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 others.
Submitted by Shwe Yamin on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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