IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE BEST WAY TO IMPROVE ROAD SAFETY IS TO INCREASE THE MINIMUM LEGAL AGE FOR DRIVING A CAR OR MOTOR BIKE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE AND DISAGREE?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There has been a tremendous increase in
road
Use synonyms
 traffic accidents in the past decade. It is often argued by some that increasing the minimum
age
Use synonyms
 requirement for obtaining a driving license would eventually decrease the mishaps.
However
Linking Words
, I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion. Since
age
Use synonyms
 and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 parameters which will be discussed in the paragraph would be required to maintain well-being on the
road
Use synonyms
. Apparently , those who think obtaining a license at an
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 would incline the safety on
road
Use synonyms
 holds a wide range of constructive benefits.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the majority of mishappenings occurring on highways
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recklessness, which is being done by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young drivers. Since acquiring a license at
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 of 18 does not make them mature drivers; it is the practice and complexity of understanding the driving etiquette, which makes them
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
able to handle a vehicle. To illustrate the case,
last
Linking Words
 year it
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 observed that a quarter of accidents
occurred
Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
show examples
 on the
road
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 by young people between the
age
Use synonyms
 of 18- 22 years.
Hence
Linking Words
, it would be necessary to provide them with a licence
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a
further
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group in order to keep roads
clean
Correct your spelling
clear
show examples
 of wounds and casualties.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Some opine that stringent implementation of traffic laws and strictly obeying them would certainly help people
as well as
Linking Words
 the
road
Use synonyms
 to gain safety. To exemplify, Chandigarh saw a noticeable dip in the number of accidents in the
last
Linking Words
 two years when the central government introduced heavy fines and suspension of licenses who disobey them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, installing speed radars and cameras on the streets and highways would make citizens
scare
Wrong verb form
scared
show examples
 of breaking the laws and
this
Linking Words
 will make them respect the law and order on the
road
Use synonyms
. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
albeit
Change preposition
although
show examples
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 to drive a car does not come with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
,
though
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it does come with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practice
that is
Linking Words
 why raising the legal
age
Use synonyms
 to obtain access would help eventually.
However
Linking Words
, inculcating stricter rules and installing cameras and speed radars will obviously keep rules and regulations in check
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the people

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your introduction states your position but could be clearer about your overall stance regarding the extent to which you agree or disagree. Make sure to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea of the paragraph. This will improve the logical flow of your arguments and help guide the reader through your points.
Task Achievement
Try to have a more balanced discussion by clearly stating counterarguments and then addressing them, as it strengthens your overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your conclusion, aim for a more concise summary of your main points and a clearer expression of your final stance. This will help you present a stronger final impression.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the specific statistics about accidents involving young drivers, which adds credibility to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic, essential for a higher score.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: