SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE BEST WAY TO IMPROVE ROAD SAFETY IS TO INCREASE THE MINIMUM LEGAL AGE FOR DRIVING A CAR OR MOTOR BIKE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE AND DISAGREE?

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There has been a tremendous increase in
road
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traffic accidents in the past decade. It is often argued by some that increasing the minimum
age
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requirement for obtaining a driving license would eventually decrease the mishaps.
However
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, I partially agree with
this
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notion. Since
age
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and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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parameters which will be discussed in the paragraph would be required to maintain well-being on the
road
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. Apparently , those who think obtaining a license at an
elder
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older
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age
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would incline the safety on
road
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holds a wide range of constructive benefits.
To begin
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with, the majority of mishappenings occurring on highways
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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due to
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the
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apply
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recklessness, which is being done by
the
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apply
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young drivers. Since acquiring a license at
an
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the
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age
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of 18 does not make them mature drivers; it is the practice and complexity of understanding the driving etiquette, which makes them
be
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apply
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able to handle a vehicle. To illustrate the case,
last
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year it
has been
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was
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observed that a quarter of accidents
occurred
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that occurred
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on the
road
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is
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were
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by young people between the
age
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of 18- 22 years.
Hence
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, it would be necessary to provide them with a licence
at
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for
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a
further
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age
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group in order to keep roads
clean
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clear
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of wounds and casualties.
On the other hand
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, Some opine that stringent implementation of traffic laws and strictly obeying them would certainly help people
as well as
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the
road
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to gain safety. To exemplify, Chandigarh saw a noticeable dip in the number of accidents in the
last
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two years when the central government introduced heavy fines and suspension of licenses who disobey them.
Furthermore
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, installing speed radars and cameras on the streets and highways would make citizens
scare
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scared
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of breaking the laws and
this
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will make them respect the law and order on the
road
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. In
a
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apply
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conclusion,
albeit
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although
show examples
learn
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learning
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to drive a car does not come with
the
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apply
show examples
age
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,
though
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apply
show examples
it does come with
the
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apply
show examples
practice
that is
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why raising the legal
age
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to obtain access would help eventually.
However
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, inculcating stricter rules and installing cameras and speed radars will obviously keep rules and regulations in check
amongst
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among
show examples
the people

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Task Achievement
Your introduction states your position but could be clearer about your overall stance regarding the extent to which you agree or disagree. Make sure to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea of the paragraph. This will improve the logical flow of your arguments and help guide the reader through your points.
Task Achievement
Try to have a more balanced discussion by clearly stating counterarguments and then addressing them, as it strengthens your overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your conclusion, aim for a more concise summary of your main points and a clearer expression of your final stance. This will help you present a stronger final impression.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the specific statistics about accidents involving young drivers, which adds credibility to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic, essential for a higher score.
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