IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There has been an increase in the incidence of anti-social behavior in the last few years. What are the reasons for this increase? What can society do to solve this problem?

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In the past years, there
are
Wrong verb form
has been
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 a growing number of
people
Use synonyms
 who have had anti-social behaviour. From
this
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problem
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, it can be seen that there are two major causes for
this
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 mental
disorder
Use synonyms
, environmental factors and genetics. The practical solution is to have cooperation from patients with the medical treatments to fix
this
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out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
To begin
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 with, two factors that have a great role that
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to anti-social behaviour
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 environment and
genetic
Replace the word
genetics
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.
According to
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 the environment, there are several reasons that can affect patients
such
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 as
people
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surround
Wrong verb form
surrounding
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 them.
For example
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, their families treat them with terrible care like saying bad words or being rude to them, as
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result,
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are treated
by
Change preposition
with
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 these rude behaviours will have trouble
mental
Correct word choice
apply
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which will
finally
Linking Words
 lead to psychosis.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 can be caused by their genetics. Perhaps their parents have
got
Verb problem
had
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this
Linking Words
disorder
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 before.
Therefore
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, parent genes can be transferred when they have
children
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 which will easily affect the
children
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 when they have some terrible treatment from
people
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 around them. To tackle
this
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problem
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, most
people
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 who
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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 a mental
disorder
Use synonyms
 like anti-social will not know that they are
psychosis
Replace the word
psychotic
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,
moreover
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, they will not accept that they have
this
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 terrible
problem
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.
Consequently
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, the patient has to cooperate with the doctor to help them solve
this
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problem
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such
Linking Words
 as giving advice or taking medicine.
Additionally
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, parents need to be careful
of
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in
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 taking care of their
children
Use synonyms
. It is not wrong to hit them or give them some lessons but everything must be reasonable to realize
children
Use synonyms
 and improve them in better ways. To summarize, both factors
have
Verb problem
play
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 an important part in
this
Linking Words
 mental
disorder
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, even genetics are not able to be edited but the environment can be improved. Starting from a minor society which is a family, if the
children
Use synonyms
 have a good fundamental, it will make them smoothly get
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
through all
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
 they will meet in the future.

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task achievement
Develop your introduction to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and explanations to give more depth to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and gives a closing thought.
task achievement
You have identified two key factors contributing to anti-social behavior: environmental factors and genetics.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is clear with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
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