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Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentages #meals #three #nutrients #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph illustrates the ratio of
sodium
, saturated fat and added
sugar
 in four average different meals consumed by Americans. The percentage of these three nutrients in
breakfast
,
dinner
,
lunch
 and
snack
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
show examples
 that Americans generally consumed are given they detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 health if consumed in plenty of quantity.
Overall
,
dinner
 and
lunch
 are
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 large number of
sodium
 and saturated fat that Americans
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consume. In the same way,
snack
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high portion of added
sugar
According to
 the illustration, The
proportionof
Correct your spelling
proportion of
sodium
, The total of
dinner
 and
lunch
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cover more than three
third
Fix the agreement mistake
thirds
show examples
 of
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 chart
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 43% and 29% respectively. In
contrat
Correct your spelling
contrast
,
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
show examples
snack
 and
breakfast
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
sodium
 about 14%.
Next
,
The
Change preposition
in The
show examples
 saturated fat pie chart,
The
Correct your spelling
That
show examples
dinner
 is the most significant sector of saturated fat
account
Replace the word
accounting
show examples
 for 37%
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is more than
lunch
 by 11%. Both
snack
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
show examples
 and
breakfast
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cover approximately
one fourth
Add a hyphen
one-fourth
show examples
 of
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 21% and 16% respectively.
Finally
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adding
sugar
consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
snack
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
that is
 the most ingredient in added
sugar
,
dinner
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 around 23%,
lunch
 use about nearly 20% and 16% for
breakfast
.
Submitted by poomdecha2546 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, breakfast, dinner, lunch, snack with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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