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Band 4

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

#people #amount #violence #tv #cinema #actions #increases #society
Watching movies on television and in cinemas has become an indispensable part of people's leisure time in
this
 contemporary society. There is concern that
quantity
Correct article usage
the quantity
show examples
 of
violence
 shown on these media means leads to the young generation absorbing a dangerous pattern of
behaviour
 which in turn contributes to the rise in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
 in our community. I
am actually agree
Change the verb form
actually agree
show examples
 with
this
 notion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and opine that there are several actions that can be taken to remedy
this
 problem. It is evident that movies shown on television or in cinemas have become more violent than ever before. By using myriads of effects and animations, adolescents experience not only instant thrills and gratifications by watching these movies, but
also
 absorb perilous behaviours
subsequently
.
Consequently
, they may depict
this
 type of
behaviour
 indirectly at the school or in society, contributing to the
further
 rise in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
 in the community.
Numberous
Correct your spelling
Numerous
 actions could be taken in order to remedy
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
.
First
, a
government sponsored
Add a hyphen
government-sponsored
show examples
compaign
Correct your spelling
campaign
 could
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 awareness among
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation about the danger, which youngsters often succumb to without being aware of it.
Second
, the most powerful solution could be to subsidise prominent action
heros
Correct your spelling
heroes
hero
 and actors to spread the message about the risk of adopting
this
behaviour
 and the negative impact of it on individuals as well as in society as a whole.
Finally
, parents should be involved early as possible in case of pupils exhibiting
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
behaviour
 not complying with the rules
establish
Change the form of the verb
established
show examples
 in the school. In conclusion, it is evident that the proportion as well
severity
Add an article
the severity
show examples
 of
violence
 in televisions and cinemas has increased in recent years, which corresponds to the level of
violence
 reported in our community. I believe that it is imperative that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
, moviemakers as well as parents try to combat
this
 development by every means they have
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their disposal.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitization
  • crucial stage
  • moral and ethical understandings
  • external factors
  • profound impact
  • reflection
  • mitigate
  • stricter regulations
  • depiction
  • empathy
  • conflict resolution
  • collaboration
  • conscious
  • impact
  • promoting
  • culture of peace
  • non-violence
  • public awareness campaigns
  • community programs
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