IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Too much attention is given to headline-grabbing disasters like earthquakes and floods. Government should concentrate their resources on educating people about the risk they face nearer to home, which can cost far more lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

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Today, media coverage commonly dwells on large-scale disasters,
such
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 as earthquakes and floods that have cost plenty of expenditure.
Hence
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, the officials supposedly allocate their funding to foster inhabitants' intellect to tackle local issues rather than mull over the problem.
In addition
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, considering the topic, I strongly agree with
this
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 opinion, as prioritizing local
risks
Use synonyms
 could save more lives in the long run.
To begin
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 with, the frequency and impact on society have led to a paradigm shift towards local issues that are prone to come about.
For instance
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, road accidents and chronic illnesses,
such
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 as cancer and diabetes are leading causes of death in numerous nations, which exceed the detrimental effects of natural disasters.
Consequently
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, educating people with appropriate schooling as a viable solution is inevitably able to mitigate a simple problem, case in point, safer driving habits, and healthier lifestyles.
Furthermore
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, in terms of financial spending, paying more attention to local
risks
Use synonyms
 is
also
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 more cost-effective. In fact, it is noticeable that the government has already contributed a huge amount of money to head off the natural challenge, which is unpredictable.
However
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, life merit will be grasped if the funding is allocated and addressed to educate people about local
risks
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, facilitating learning of promoting healthier eating habits for run-of-the-mill people is a down-to-earth approach to reducing health
risks
Use synonyms
, which is more costly.
To sum up
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,
this
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 is clear that the nation must provide an adequate resource taking into account the number of local accidents in society and the price is not significantly beyond what the community comfortably meets.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and takes a clear position, but it could benefit from more specific examples and data to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the overall flow.
task achievement
Refine some sentences for clarity and readability, especially to make complex ideas more easily understood.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly stating and summarizing your position.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically structured, and each paragraph stays on-topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • headline-grabbing
  • disasters
  • natural disasters
  • media coverage
  • sensationalism
  • local issues
  • funding
  • executive resources
  • resource allocation
  • risk awareness
  • domestic fires
  • road safety
  • food storage
  • education initiatives
  • community engagement
  • local government
  • immediate disaster relief
  • long-term benefits
  • local risk mitigation
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