IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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Fast
Foods
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 are the most popular cuisine among students and employees who don't have enough time to cook and eat. In some big cities
due
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todue
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 their busy
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
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lifestyle
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 and expensive raw ingredients, the vast majority of people consume junk
foods
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 in their daily
meals
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government want to reduce
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 usage of unhealthy
foods
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 by increasing taxes. In my own view,
higher
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the higher
show examples
tax
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 would not make the situation better nor it will have
negative
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a negative
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 impact on lower or middle
incomer
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income
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 consumption. Increasing the
tax
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of
Change preposition
on
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 the processed
foods
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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causes
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cause
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 poor & homeless people
to
Correct your spelling
do
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 not have the ability to feed themselves and their kids
thus
Linking Words
 they might stay hungry for a long time, which leads to an unhealthy diet. Another hand, Canned or before prepared
consumes
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consumption
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 are not healthy because of
lot
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a lot
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 of fat and sugar uses there so
most
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the most
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amount
Change to a plural noun
amounts
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 of consumers suffer from gastric pains.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
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 each year duodenum and ulcer cancers gets higher. The government should control the in-use ingredients of fast prepared
meals
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 in order to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health problems. Most population in large cities of the world works more than eight hours a day, that’s to say they won’t be able to cook dishes at home since it takes some time. That’s why even if the fee of the restaurants grows up they have to buy it for
consum
Correct your spelling
consume
 it even if they know those are not good for their body. Based on some surveys people get tired of
this
Linking Words
 dehydrated food because
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 stomach can’t digest well but they suggest that if
government
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the government
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 makes more
varietis
Correct your spelling
varieties
variety
 in street
foods
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 which taste like home-made
meals
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,that will help their digesting system too. All together by getting
help
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the help
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of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 these
ideas
Add a comma
,ideas
show examples
 we can prevent illnesses. In conclusion, consuming food is mandatory for all humans with different incomes. Increasing
tax
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 or the fees may leave not good results. All the foodstuffs should be available
with
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at
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good
Add an article
a good
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 price to all the society and nobody should stay hungry. The only key to prevent
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 diet is making fast prepared healthy
meals
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therefore
Linking Words
 I disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 increasing the
tax
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of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 junk
foods
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by farrinprad on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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