Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, it is claimed by individuals that money should be used for motorways and
roads
rather than public transport systems
. This
writer's opinion is that money should be spent on traffic
systems
due to
the safety
and environmental profits they can provide.
To begin
with, these days, safety
is one of the priorities of society due to
people
's concern about the increase of serious accidents which not only affect human well-being but also
their lives. This
problem can be solved effectively by developing the transport system, using high-quality materials and building more roads
and traffic
structures can
not only ensure Correct pronoun usage
that can
people
's safety
but also
help the systems
work effectively. For example
, the highest quality fence can cope with tough impacts from accidents and reduce the consequences.
Another people
's concern is the environment, which was affected negatively by transportation. However
, pollutions were caused by an ineffective system and can be fixed by improving it. With more and more motorways, traffic
jams can be reduced, which is the main reason for air pollution and noise pollution being reduced effectively. Fumes are released from cars when it stuck on the roads
. Additionally
, it also
helps individuals save time and bring some financial profits to society. For example
, in 2018, after the traffic
development in Ho Chi Minh City, its GDP that
year increased by 2% and the air quality improved significantly by 10%.
Correct word choice
apply
To conclude
, improving traffic
systems
can help reduce pollution effectively and also
ensure people
's safety
, due to
this
, there is no doubt that spending money on motorways and roads
is more crucial.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and supports it with examples. However, some of your arguments could be more thoroughly developed for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to make your argument more cohesive. Some sentences could be connected better to enhance overall coherence.
task achievement
Although your examples are relevant, adding more specific and varied examples could strengthen your argument. Try to incorporate statistics, real-life scenarios, or expert opinions to provide a more comprehensive support to your points.
task achievement
You maintain a clear position throughout the essay, which is essential for a higher band score.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed and clearly state your viewpoint, helping to frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
You have provided some relevant examples, like the case of Ho Chi Minh City which adds a practical perspective to your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?