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Band 4.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

#countries #amount #crime
Crimes
 are widely common occurrences in every
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
, city, and nation. In some countries, the rate of crime may remain stable whereas
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 many others,
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
crimes
 are going uphill.
This
 essay will discuss the main contributing
factors
 of crime as well as some solutions to eliminate the
factors
. There are two main causes that are facilitating the
commitment
Replace the word
commission
show examples
 of
crimes
 in many countries. The
first
 of the two is the lack of income. Especially in bigger, highly developed countries, citizens are unable to secure a job because of the highly competitive job market.
However
, money is still a commodity required for survival,
thus
, desperate people started stealing or robbing.
Secondly
, the use of drugs
also
 influences
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people to break the law. When drugged, the thinking capacity of a human being is blurred and taking risks
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 encouraged.
For example
, the Times 2017 illustrated that of the offences committed in London in 2016, 60% of the offenders were either drunk or on other kinds of illegal substances. Despite the compelling contributing
factors
 to
crimes
, there are ways to encounter them. One way to tackle the above-mentioned problems is for the government and social groups to provide support for the poor. The authorities could make some arrangements for sheltering the homeless and the communities can
also
 take part in donating clothes, leftovers, and
such
.
On the other hand
, people’s access to drugs must be strictly prohibited.
This
 could be done by increasing the legal age to purchase alcohol, imposing higher tax on alcoholic drinks, and increasing police checkpoints to monitor
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug use. If these actions can be done adequately,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can lessen more drug-influenced
crimes
. In conclusion, support for people without any income and restricting drug transactions could be effective to encounter the dominating
factors
 causing an increase in the number of
crimes
.
Submitted by chitsundi on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic disparity
  • propensity
  • recidivism
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitative
  • judicial system
  • corruption
  • socioeconomic
  • alienation
  • stigmatization
  • decriminalization
  • enforcement
  • gentrification
  • preemptive measures
  • intervention strategies
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