IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#television #communication #friends #support
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In
this
Linking Words
 modern world,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology serves us a lot of benefits and easiness to gain information and for entertainment as well,
for
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example
Add the comma(s)
,example
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 television.
However
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, many argue that television can ruin
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication among
friends
Use synonyms
 and family.
Furthermore
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, I certainly agree with
this
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 statement and I will provide reasons in
this
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 essay. Television is one of the most common
technology
Change to a plural noun
technologies
show examples
 that everyone can have in their house. The presence of
this
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 advanced communication device is really beneficial for us.
In
Change preposition
On
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 some
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
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, people spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
 and neglect their surroundings and
this
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 can trigger some problems.
For example
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, for parents, when their children need helps to do the homework but they do not pay attention to
this
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 condition, children tend to feel they are lack in parent’s affection.
As a result
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, the children will not gain the best result in their academic
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
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. Another one, various programs
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
 do give us options to choose which one we want to watch. Nowadays, many
TV
Use synonyms
 programs present the latest films that we can watch in
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
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.
Although
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this
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 condition somehow can be an advantage for our “me
time
Use synonyms
”, but sometimes we forget to socialize with our
friends
Use synonyms
 and choose to stay at home.
For example
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, when our
friends
Use synonyms
 invite us to have a coffee in a café, we tend to reject the invitation and prefer to watch
TV
Use synonyms
instead
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 of going out. If
this
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 habit
continue
Change the verb form
continues
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 to happen, it will upset your friend and your friendship will be destroyed since you both do not have any quality
time
Use synonyms
 together. In conclusion, even though
TV
Use synonyms
 can give us a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
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 benefits, I agree that
this
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 technology can harm the relationship and communication among
friends
Use synonyms
 and family. We have to be more
responsible
Replace the word
responsive
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to
Change preposition
for
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 our choice as we can both maintain our
time
Use synonyms
 to socialize and enjoy
the
Change the word
our
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 free
time
Use synonyms
 alone.
Submitted by abeldyast on

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