IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many countries thought children have to do homework in their free time while others say children should do more outdoor activity. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #homework #time #activity
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Students
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 are encouraged to learn something at
school
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 and after
school
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time
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. Many state administrations are of the opinion that
,
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apply
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students
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 should get
homework
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 in the form of
homework
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 and should complete it in their free
time
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.
while
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 others believe that at a young
age
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age,
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 they should engage in outdoor activities that keep them physically and mentally active. I strongly disagree with the first assumption because the additional burden of studying makes a student become introverted and is
also
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 detrimental to his mental development. I will address my points of disagreement with logic in the next paragraph. First of all,
homework
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 helps a child's physical and mental health. To get down to the roots, a student spends most of his
time
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 completing his home assessment.
This
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 has a bad impact on his
behavior
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behaviour
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 as it causes several health problems
such
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 as headaches and eye problems.
For example
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, Stanford University investigated the length of
time
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 in a study that showed that spending more than two hours had harmful effects on health. Apart from that, because they are afraid of completing
homework
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 assignments, introverted
students
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 always try to work hard and are less social, and even less confident than other
students
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. He doesn't have
time
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 to learn other activities like dancing and music that keep him active. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with extra housework for children. Spending six hours at
school
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 gives teenagers a lot of data so that
students
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 have the right to do activities
according to
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 their interests after
school
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.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task achievement
Clarify your position in the introduction. It should be stated more explicitly to give a clear direction for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This helps in making the essay more coherent and logically structured.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support the main points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on your transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay. This can be done by using linking words and phrases more effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the topic and uphold the argument you are making.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a sense of completion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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