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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #world #money #illnesses #diseases #health #education #prevention
The variety of illnesses and diseases has become a main
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
concern around the world. In order to tackle that issue, governments spend a lot of
money
 to cure and save
people
's lives and some may see that the governments give too much
money
 only to cure
people
's, but in
health
 education and its prevention.
Therefore
, I would like to explain the reasons why I support that idea and
also
, provide a plausible conclusion. As the number of
people
 who get sick
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 increasing, the doctors and nurses need the helper tools to get the diagnose as soon as possible and
also
 to prevent the illness becomes worse. It means the
government
 must involve providing
health
 machinery.
This
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 innovation costs a lot of
money
 than the traditional one.
For example
, the machine to do surgery nowadays is really good and will help
people
 to a faster recovery. That means if the
Indonesia
Correct your spelling
Indonesian
show examples
government
 provides that sophisticated equipment all over Indonesia, it charges more on treating
people
 than its action to prevent some illnesses or diseases.
Secondly
, I believe that we have to take part in it. Our lifestyle influences our well-being. The authority has conducted many seminars talking about healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 and how to maintain our body system.
However
, our bad habits are not easy to change.
Moreover
, even though they know it is bad, they still do it.
For instance
, smoking may promote lung cancer and other breathing problems, but
people
, who addict to it, will still use it.
Thus
, it is very useless for the
government
 to give much
money
 on prevention if citizens always use their own desire and free will over their
health
. Overall, the sophisticated helper tools that help those
health
 practitioners and citizens behaviour towards their
health
 cause the
government
 to put too much cash on treating
people
 from diseases and
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
.
Hence
, I would reiterate my opinion that
this
 statement is true and I agree with that.
Submitted by abeldyast on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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