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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say a good diet and regular exercise are not necessary for a long and healthy life. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some argue that following a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 and regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 are not essential for living a long and healthy life.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree with
this
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 view, since a good
diet
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 and physical activity play a crucial role in preventing disease and maintaining both physical and mental
health
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main reasons why a good
diet
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 is necessary for a healthy and long life is that nutritious food provides the body with essential vitamins.
For instance
Linking Words
, consuming a good amount of fruit, vegetables, and meats strengthen the immune system and boosts people's energy.
In contrast
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, consuming high amounts of sugar, unhealthy fats, and fast foods may lead to some serious
health
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 issues,
such
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 as obesity and heart disease.
Therefore
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, maintaining a balanced
diet
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 can help a nation to avoid these kinds of serious diseases and increase
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 life
.
Check wording
expectancy.
show examples
Body paragraph 2
Regular
exercise
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 is
also
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 equally important because it keeps the body physically active and improves cardiovascular
health
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. People who
exercise
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 on a regular basis are more likely to maintain their weight and reduce the risk of serious illness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, physical activity can positive impact on mental illness because it can reduce stress and improve people's mood.
For instance
Linking Words
, even simple activities
such
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 as walking, riding, swimming or running can
also
Linking Words
 improve individuals'
overall
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 well-being.
As a result
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, exercising regularly can
also
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 contribute significantly to a longer lifespan and a better quality of
health
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, a lot of communities agree that it is unnecessary to maintain a good
diet
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 and
exercise
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 regularly in order to live longer and live a healthier lifespan. I personally believe that regular physical activity and a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 are the best ways to create a healthy lifestyle.

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task response
Your main view is clear: you do not agree with the idea in the question. Keep this view clear in every part of the essay.
task response
Explain more fully why some people may think diet and exercise are not needed. Then show clearly why this idea is weak. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, explain how daily walking may lower the risk of heart problems, or how too much sugar may harm health over time.
task response
Be careful with broad claims such as “a lot of communities agree”. You do not give proof for this point, and it does not add much to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, diet, exercise, and conclusion. Keep using one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences smoother. For example, after naming healthy food, explain its effect before moving to unhealthy food.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences need clearer grammar so the reader can follow your meaning. Write “fruit, vegetables, and meat strengthen the immune system and boost energy.”
coherence and cohesion
Improve a few unclear phrases. Use “physical activity can have a positive effect on mental health” and “help people live longer” instead of “increase their life” or “live a healthier lifespan.”
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion repeats the main idea, which is good. Make it stronger by stating your view directly and briefly, without saying that many communities disagree.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion from the first paragraph.
task response
The points about disease, body health, and mental health are useful and relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The two body paragraphs have clear topics: one is about diet and the other is about exercise.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words such as “However”, “For instance”, “Furthermore”, “In contrast”, and “Therefore”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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