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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say a good diet and regular exercise are not necessary for a long and healthy life. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals believe that a balanced
diet
Use synonyms
 and daily
exercise
Use synonyms
 are not beneficial for a prolonged and prosperous
life
Use synonyms
. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 belief, as
this
Linking Words
 approach can lead to long-term effects. These two are by far the most vital things for a stable and healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, neglecting
this
Linking Words
 kind of
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 could impact
people
Use synonyms
's physical health, as their
diet
Use synonyms
 and
exercise
Use synonyms
 are correlated with physical well-being. Avoiding healthy food for the sake of the fast-food will lead to poor outcomes.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a person eats junk food on a daily basis, they are more likely to suffer from diseases like Type 2 Diabetes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, refusing to complete regular exercises can lead to obesity
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
, it gradually weakens the immune system.
People
Use synonyms
 with a vulnerable immune system are more susceptible to health issues.
For example
Linking Words
, after
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extensive research conducted in America,
people
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 who are accustomed to an inactive
lifestyle
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 have been receiving more medical treatments annually than
people
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 who are accustomed active style of
life
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is extremely pivotal to have a balanced
diet
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 alongside little
exercise
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. On top of that, it is taught that
people
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 who train regularly and
, who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 follow a healthy
diet
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 are more ecstatic about their
overall
Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
, simply because they have a robust immune system , which is responsible for their physical condition. With
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
improved mental health, they do not have any stress or anxiety.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
people
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 with a poor
lifestyle
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 are more stressed
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because they constantly worry about their looks and appearance.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 who maintained disciplined
lifestyle
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 have better
life
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 expectancy. Active
people
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 tend to live longer, because their bodies are
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
stronger and more prone. Scientific studies consecutively support
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 not only prevents diseases but
also
Linking Words
 offers a wide range of benefits. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 say a good
diet
Use synonyms
 and regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 are not necessary for a long and healthy
life
Use synonyms
. It is a completely wrong idea to believe
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 saying, as a poorly organised
lifestyle
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 can lead to detrimental outcomes,
such
Linking Words
 as Diabetes.
Also
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 with relatively better living
are
Check wording
standards are
show examples
 generally happier and healthier.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. To get a higher score, explain your ideas more deeply and make each point very exact.
task response
For task response, your examples are helpful, but some are a bit general. Try to use one clear and real example for each main point.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear paragraph plan with an introduction, body, and conclusion. To improve, make some sentences shorter and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use linking words like firstly, secondly, and on top of that. To get a better score, use them more naturally and avoid using too many in a mechanical way.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some ideas repeat, such as health, immune system, and long life. Try to add new support instead of saying the same point again.
task response
For task response, you answer the question directly and clearly say that you disagree.
task response
For task response, your main ideas stay on the topic of diet, exercise, health, and long life.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to divide into parts, and each paragraph has a main focus.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use basic linking words well enough to show order and contrast.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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