IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You would like to rent a car for a holiday. Write to the car rental agency. In your letter •Explain what type of car you would like •Give details of when you would like the car •Request more information about the cost

#rent #car #holiday #agency #•explain #type #•give #•request #information #cost
Dear Sir. I want to rent a
car
 for a holiday
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
last
 month (from 26 to 29/1/2024).
A
Correct article usage
The
show examples
 new
car
 has 7
seat
Change to a plural noun
seats
show examples
, black colour, air-conditional, player, and
television
Correct article usage
a television
show examples
.
Although
, my family have 3 members,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
when we travel, we always
many
Add a missing verb
do many
show examples
 things
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, drinks… So, we need a
car
 have 7 seats.
The black
Correct article usage
Black
show examples
 is my favourite colour,
furthermore
, I think that when we are camping on the mountain
this
 colour will add to the mystery. With a long
travel
Remove the article
journey
trip
show examples
 so air-conditional will be coming benefits, for it will make
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
 clean and cool. The player and television help everyone relax on
journey
Add an article
the journey
show examples
. The time I want to receive a
car
 in the morning on Friday, 26/1/2024. Please fill up
fuel
Add an article
the fuel
show examples
 before I take it. The final, please the current price list, I can choose the best for me. Note that I just
rent
Wrong verb form
rented
show examples
 a
car
 when
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cost
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 30 to 50
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
. Thank you in advance for your help. Sincerely. Ms Tam.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the letter could be improved by better organizing the information into separate paragraphs for the introduction, body (which should be split into multiple paragraphs for each point), and conclusion. Aim to organize your thoughts more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you include a formal greeting at the start and a suitable closing at the end of your letter. "Dear Sir," is too informal and abrupt for this context; "Dear Sir or Madam," would be more appropriate.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on a single idea. For example, separate the description of the car from the details regarding the rental period, and further provide a separate paragraph for your requests and questions to the agency.
task achievement
While you addressed all parts of the prompt, your response could be more focused and detailed, specifically regarding the type of car and the cost details. Avoid including irrelevant information such as your personal color preference, which does not pertain to the primary objectives of the letter.
task achievement
The letter's tone is not entirely suitable for formal correspondence with a service provider. Avoid informal language and maintain a consistent level of formality throughout. Furthermore, ensure your requests are polite and clear, avoiding statements that may come across as demands.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: