IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Schools concentrate far too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern working world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #subjects #students #demands #world
Recently, a debate has been raised widely about the issue that
schools
 are focusing on teaching too many traditional
subjects
 which do not allow any preparation for
students
 to satisfy the modern demands of the world. In my perspective, I disagree with
this
 statement.
To begin
 with, every student will have different backgrounds,
however
, what shapes them into a person is the understanding and implication of respect, ethic, and sympathy. These skills are usually taught by traditional
subjects
. Without these courses, future generations might turn into insensitive people.
Moreover
, depending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
subjects
such
 as engineering or technology would withdraw the opportunity of developing social interaction between the pupils.
This
 can influence the child’s future even if they are extremely intelligent.
However
, as the world is altering,
schools
also
 need to consider adding modern coursework so we can figure out potential
students
. Not only allowing the
students
 to be familiar with complicated devices
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 helping the child in determining their interests at the early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Additionally
, without the modern coursework,
students
 will be restricted in their career
optionals
Correct your spelling
options
,
hence
, resulting in many
students
 sharing the same dream jobs, as well as increasing the competitiveness of university application. To conclude,
schools
 design an appropriate plan to balance the number of traditional and modern
subjects
.
This
 is because we can both provide teenagers chances to explore new areas of knowledge but still training and shaping them into ethical citizens. Even better if
schools
 allow their pupils to select and be responsible for the chosen
subjects
.
Submitted by khuongquynhnga1997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: