IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Schools concentrate far too much on traditional subjects which do not adequately prepare students for the realistic demands of the modern working world. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, a debate has been raised widely about the issue that
schools
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 are focusing on teaching too many traditional
subjects
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 which do not allow any preparation for
students
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 to satisfy the modern demands of the world. In my perspective, I disagree with
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with, every student will have different backgrounds,
however
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, what shapes them into a person is the understanding and implication of respect, ethic, and sympathy. These skills are usually taught by traditional
subjects
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. Without these courses, future generations might turn into insensitive people.
Moreover
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, depending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
subjects
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such
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 as engineering or technology would withdraw the opportunity of developing social interaction between the pupils.
This
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 can influence the child’s future even if they are extremely intelligent.
However
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, as the world is altering,
schools
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also
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 need to consider adding modern coursework so we can figure out potential
students
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. Not only allowing the
students
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 to be familiar with complicated devices
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 helping the child in determining their interests at the early
ages
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age
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.
Additionally
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, without the modern coursework,
students
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 will be restricted in their career
optionals
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options
,
hence
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, resulting in many
students
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 sharing the same dream jobs, as well as increasing the competitiveness of university application. To conclude,
schools
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 design an appropriate plan to balance the number of traditional and modern
subjects
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.
This
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 is because we can both provide teenagers chances to explore new areas of knowledge but still training and shaping them into ethical citizens. Even better if
schools
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 allow their pupils to select and be responsible for the chosen
subjects
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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