IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

ere
Correct your spelling
There
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 is no doubt that social
media
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 platforms play a crucial role in the growth of celebrities and often portray them in an unfair manner.
While
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 some believe that a person’s fame comes at the cost of intrusion into their personal
life
Use synonyms
 , I am of the opinion that they should
also
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 be allowed to have their own private space. On the one hand, those who believe that invading one’s personal
life
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 is acceptable, argue that their choice of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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profession demands
for
Remove the preposition
apply
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such
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 activities.
For instance
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 , a movie actor is required to showcase his lifestyle and glamorous activities on social
media
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 in order to gain the public’s attention.
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This
Correct determiner usage
The
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reason for
this
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 is the success of
such
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 people is not only
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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measured
on
Change preposition
by
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 their hard work but
also
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 depends on the public’s reaction.
Conversely
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 , if a celebrity’s
life
Use synonyms
 is not made known to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, they would not receive
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
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 recognition and appreciation and could lose potential future opportunities in their field.
However
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 , I believe that privacy is really important when it comes to personal matters of any individual.
This
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 is because
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media
Correct article usage
the media
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 not only tries to capture the
life
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 of a successful person but
also
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include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
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 their families in
this
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 process.
For example
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 , if there is any unforeseen event in
Correct article usage
a celebrities’
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celebrities’
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrity’
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 personal
life
Use synonyms
 , the whole family is being questioned regularly by the
media
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 and society. The continuous discouragement and lack of support from the people might affect their mental health resulting in issues
such
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 as depression and anxiety attacks.
In contrast
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 , if their personal space is not disturbed, it will help them combat their issues in a sophisticated manner and
thus
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helping
Wrong verb form
help
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 them to lead a normal
life
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 like any other human being. In conclusion,
although
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 appraisal and recognition are the factors of stardom which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 often received by making one’s aliveness public, I believe that renowned people can lead a happy and self-sustained soul if they are not being personally targeted

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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