IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after age 65. However, others say there should not be a limitation on age and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views, and give your opinion and include relevant examples.

#people #age #limitation #anyone #work
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It is considered by some that after reaching
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age
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the age
show examples
 of 65,
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worker
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the worker
a worker
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 should be stopped from working, while there are others who think that there should no policy that limit
people
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 to work regarding their
age
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. In my opinion, I believe that
age
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 limitation is needed mostly
ini
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in
 public
company
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sector
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, while
people
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 who
works
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work
show examples
 in
private
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a private
show examples
company
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 can get more flexible limitation. On the one hand, many think that after reaching
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
age
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people
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 tend to lose their passion and
agilitiy
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agility
ability
,
therefore
Linking Words
 strict policy should be imposed to ensure maximum public
service
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 of a
company
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.
For instance
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, one role of
government
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a government
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company
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 is to bring
a
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apply
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good
service
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 to
public
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the public
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. A line of young and
entusiasthic
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enthusiastic
empoyee
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employee
 in government
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company
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companies
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 is one way to enable that great
service
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.
On the other hand
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,
old
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the old
an old
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age
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 restriction is not needed since an experienced
employee
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 can be become an
upperhand
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upper hand
 for a
company
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, according to some.
In other words
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, an
employee
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 that already working
since
Change preposition
for
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 a long time can become an
unvaluable
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invaluable
 asset for a
company
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, especially in
private
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the private
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sector
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 where that
employee
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 know exactly how to maximize profit from the many tricks and tips he/she
already
Add a missing verb
has already
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 through.
For instance
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, in doing
bussiness
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business
, when a
company
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 need to negotiate, an experienced
employee
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 can
trully
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truly
 shine, since negotiating emphasized to
way
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the way
a way
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 of thinking based on experience
instead
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 of
phisical
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physical
 ability.
Finally
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, in my opinion, the
decison
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decision
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of weather
show examples
Correct your spelling
whether
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weather
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whether
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age
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 limitation should be
consideration
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a consideration
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 or not
is
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it
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 really should be based on the situation of the
company
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. For
an public
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public sector companies
a public sector company
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sector
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 companies
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for
Add the comma(s)
,for
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 example,
service
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 is their best interest.
Therefore
Linking Words
, putting maximum
age
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 for the
worker
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 is in line with the
company
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 target.
In contrast
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, for
private
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the private
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sector
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 which
pursue
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pursues
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 profit, it is better for them to keep rely on
experienced
Correct article usage
an experienced
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 workforce in order to take advantage of their experiences. A long time
worker
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 can easily know how to reach their target in the most effective and efficient way. In conclusion, having an over 65 of
age
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 as a
worker
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 can
be bring
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bring
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abundance
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an abundance
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 of
benefit
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benefits
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 for a
company
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 that looking for good income that cannot be achieved with
inexperienced
Correct article usage
an inexperienced
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 workforce.
Conversely
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,
people
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 with a lot of energy and passion are really suitable for public
sector
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 area organizations to enable them
bring
Add the particle
to bring
show examples
 excellent
service
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.
Submitted by muhamad.herwindo on

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