IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertisement targeting children may have negative effects on them, and suggest banning such advertisement as a solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #advertisement #children #effects
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It is often argued that marketing strategies whose main target are
children
 should
be prohibit
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be prohibited
show examples
 as those can negatively impact them. I highly agree with that position. That type of advertisement
influnce
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influence
influences
 and encourage
kids
 to become compulsive consumers, and
also
, can cause
psyochological
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psychological
prombles
Correct your spelling
problems
 in some of them. The foremost purpose of advertisements is to influence the desire of buying, in young
kids
,
this
 can develop a culture of consumption that later can be very difficult to control. It is not uncommon to see parents expending considerable amounts of money to satisfy the demands of their little ones. Most of these
children
 grow up thinking that
the
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they
show examples
 need and have to get the items that the market dictates and that in the long run can develop a compulsive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 that would normally end in a financial failure. Morden parents have to
redocarate
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redecorate
relocate
 their
children
 bedrooms every summer or each time Disney release a new massive movie
campaing
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campaign
. But now
lets
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let's
let us
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 look at the less privileged
kids
 whose parents cannot keep up with the
consumpiton
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consumption
 society demands, not being able to have these fashionable items and being exposed to all those marketing inputs generate a feeling of inadequacy and can significantly affect their
selfestime
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self-esteem
 and their confidence by feeling inferior or even worse not worthy. These sentiments are proven to affect
children
's ability to
interac
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interact
 with other
kids
 and negatively shape their
personality
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personalities
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 forever. A recent study showed that an important percentage of the
kids
 that are reluctant to go back to school after
chrismats
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Christmas
 holidays, simply do
no
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not
show examples
 want to go because they did not get their dream costly present
unlike
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,unlike
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ohter
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other
 classmates.
Children
 should be able to grow up free from all sorts of marketing influences that could
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
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 the long run, be detrimental for them not only
finacially
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financially
, but
also
spychologically
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psychologically
.
Submitted by elen343 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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