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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many museums charge for admission while orthers are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #orthers #people
Some
museums
 are free-entry, as opposed to those in which purchasing tickets is mandatory.
Although
 by not paying
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 visit the
museums
 more people would tend to visit,
however
, I believe that authorities could use the
museums
' income to take care of them, which is more beneficial. It is argued that free
museums
 are more frequently visited and have
deeper
Add an article
a deeper
show examples
 impact on general people. Because many people are not educated enough to appreciate history and culture.
As a result
, they do not have the tendency to spend money on these kinds of activities ,so by keeping cultural places free they would visit more often and the chance of them being educated raises.
For instance
, the Negarestan Museum is free once a year and on that day, it has the most visitors of all the year.
Consequently
, many youngsters get attracted to traditional paintings, which they have seen on that specific day.
However
, I believe that visiting cultural buildings
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have a knock-on impact on all the visitors and it is more beneficial to educate them in the school , not in
museums
.
On the other hand
,
museums
 are mostly located in historical and old buildings and it is necessary to avoid destruction, which happens over the decades.
This
 action ,
however
, is pricey and by selling tickets a major part of the cost would be covered. Not all cities and countries can be financially supportive of
this
 pathway, so the
museums
' managers have to take action in their own hands.
For example
,
as a result
 of the low budget, 'Chehel Sotun' of Isfahan was nearly ruined 10 years ago.
However
, the mayor ,by getting an
entering
Replace the word
entry
show examples
 fee, managed to repair the precious building. I believe that getting a proper amount of
entry-fee
Correct your spelling
entry fee
show examples
 would be useful for managing the
museums
 in a more efficient way. In conclusion,
while
 making
museums
 free would lead to more visitors and growing awareness and knowledge, the ticket,s fee for maintaining the building is a necessity and without the money, many buildings would be ruined by now.
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task achievement
Incorporate a more distinct introduction that clearly introduces your stance, making it easily understood from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to your main argument to maintain strong coherence.
task achievement
Minor grammatical errors should be revisited, particularly around article usage and singular/plural agreement.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples like the Negarestan Museum and 'Chehel Sotun' to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
You maintained a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph focused on a single main idea, contributing to clear and organized communication.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial sustainability
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Exhibits
  • Educational programs
  • Facilities
  • Technology
  • Curatorial expertise
  • Visitor experience
  • Value perception
  • Accessibility barriers
  • Inclusiveness
  • Cultural resources
  • Alternative funding
  • Grants
  • Donations
  • Sponsorships
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