IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that advertising aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children
In
contemporary
Correct article usage
the contemporary
show examples
 epoch,it is contemplated that commercials targeted at the youth should be inhibited.From my personal perspective,I totally concur with
this
 statement.
First
 and foremost,
adverts
 aimed at the youth might (nghĩa tiêu cực) have detrimental impacts on their physical well-being.A convincing justification for
this
 is their overconsumption of unhealthy products advertised by fast food and junk food companies.
For instance
,clowns wearing fancy clothes often present seemingly delectable food in KFC
adverts
 .Most
children
 are easily enchanted by
this
 concept of commercials and
as a result
,they can be at risk of many serious health issues,
such
 as obesity and diabetes when consuming
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 amount of carbohydrates and fat.
Secondly
,advertisements aimed at
children
 obviously have negative impacts on their psychological health.A convincing explanation for
this
 is that the ubiquity of
adverts
 bombards kids. Indeed (thêm signal words, đọc sách task2, page 1), Commercials can
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 in
children
 an urge of massive purchase of toys, clothes, shoes and other superfluous items.
For example
, film heroes or favourite cartoon characters are often used in
such
 attractive advertisements by which
children
 are lured and pester their parents to buy products advertised at any cost.
Consequently
, they might throw temper tantrums at their parents to get what they want and are getting used to
such
 undesirable
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of behaviour. To sum up,all the standpoints lead me to a concrete opinion that there should be a total prohibition on
adverts
 aimed at the youth.
Submitted by sonvu2122 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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