IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society .others however, believe that school is the place to learn this.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #member #society #school #place
Whereas there are some individuals who believe that it is better for
children
 to be taught by their parents how
become
Add the particle
to become
show examples
 a good member of society, some others are of the opinion that the school is where which
children
 should be learnt
this
 at. In my opinion, both ideas are logical, acceptable and necessary for
children
 As all we know, the initial and the most important community which we are belong to is our family, and parents have a significant influence on our social skills and the person
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 we will become in the future;
therefore
, their knowledge, experiences and educations are far important to
children
 , especially, when they are fully ready to learn and imitate every single thing that they are taught; whatever we learnt in our childhood about how we can act as a useful member of a community, social and interpersonal skills are a unit package that we need it in the future.
On the other hand
, human is a creature which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been learning throughout their life and our future is depended on two parts.
First
, our past and educations from an early age and family,
second
 from our surroundings and friends.In the school-time ages, school is as important as family. In the
next
 stages,
children
 start to learn from their environment and schools are a good place which
children
 can learn how to be sociable and develop their communication skills, take part in teamwork and intact with their
opposite sex
Add a hyphen
opposite-sex
show examples
 friends. In conclusion, due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human’s nature, we are an integral package of our original
root
Fix the agreement mistake
roots
show examples
 and our surroundings;
as a result
, neither of the mentioned ideas are practical and complete without the other one.
Submitted by shaghayegh.moradiii76 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • moral values
  • social norms
  • structured environment
  • cooperation
  • respect
  • communal responsibilities
  • decision-making
  • societal integration
  • consistent messages
  • cultural expectations
  • complementary roles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: