IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Young people learn more about good behaviour from books or films/ movies than they learn from real-life experiences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #behaviour #books #films #movies #experiences
These days, the trend of learning is so different from the past, and young generations prefer to learn
things
 from social media and other ways, so they learn good
manners
 from
books
 and films
instead
 of parents or real-life experiences. I broadly agree with
this
 theory because children spend a lot of time with movies and
books
;
thereafter
, most of the time movies and
books
 are based on real happen. On the one hand, a large group of young
people
 who live without family or spend less time with their parents or other
people
 have various entertainment
such
 as films, the Internet, and
books
;
As a
result
, they cannot see their parents’
behaviour
, and they do not prefer copy other
people
 lifestyle;
besides
, they must follow the
behaviour
 of these
things
 title.
For instance
, when I used to study in Tehran. I lived as the resident of the hall.
In addition
, my preference was following
things
 that I knew the
result
 like
things
 in
books
 or movies.
On the other hand
, most happen in
books
 or films which are real. In fact, when teenagers see these
things
,
then
 they do
behaviour
 which does
behaviour
 the same as in real-life experiences, yet
this
 alters with real lifestyle of the
result
 of the
behaviour
. To illustrate, When I see the movie I can see the effect of my
manners
 on other
people
; so , I have a lot of selection for my
manners
. In conclusion, young
people
 prefer to see the
result
 in
manners
instead
 of following some
people
 who do not know about
finally
, of them.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs have a clear and distinct main idea. This will help make your argument more effective and coherent.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using more transition words and phrases. This will help your reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should fully explore its main point with sufficient detail and examples.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are as specific and relevant as possible to support your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the overall argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a viewpoint for discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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