IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world
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It is true that it is more necessary for
children
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 to study local
history
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 rather than the
history
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 of the
world
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While
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 I believe that
children
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 should learn about local
history
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, I agree that schools teach their pupils about
world
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history
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. On the one hand, it is more significant for school
children
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 to study local
history
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.
Firstly
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, by knowing about the past of their country, school
children
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 will foster a sense of belonging and pride in each child.
For example
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, they will know how their earlier generations fought and made sacrifices for the freedom of the country.
As a result
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, they will appreciate the value of
life
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the life
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 and liberty they enjoy today.
Secondly
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, through
history
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 lessons, youngsters will gain a deeper understanding of
core
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the core
show examples
 values and traditional events of their country.
Thus
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, they can be motivated to carry on the best customs for the next generations to come.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 should be encouraged to have knowledge of the
history
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 of the
world
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. The modern trends towards globalisation
makes
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make
show examples
 it more necessary for
children
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 to have more knowledge of the past of the
world
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. They will form a mutual understanding of ethnic groups and different cultures across the
world
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. Another important aspect is that youngsters will gain a deeper understanding of the inter-relationship of nations and how international historical events,
such
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 as colonisation, have formed our contemporary society. In conclusion, it is equally important for
children
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 to learn about local
history
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as well as
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 the
history
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 of the
world
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.
Submitted by nhatrangthanyeu2013 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the given question and fully covers both sides of the argument. Use clear and specific examples to support each point.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well presented, providing a clear overview of the main points. However, ensure that the logical structure of the essay is well-organized to enhance coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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