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Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world
It is true that it is more necessary for
children
 to study local
history
 rather than the
history
 of the
world
While
 I believe that
children
 should learn about local
history
, I agree that schools teach their pupils about
world
history
. On the one hand, it is more significant for school
children
 to study local
history
.
Firstly
, by knowing about the past of their country, school
children
 will foster a sense of belonging and pride in each child.
For example
, they will know how their earlier generations fought and made sacrifices for the freedom of the country.
As a result
, they will appreciate the value of
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 and liberty they enjoy today.
Secondly
, through
history
 lessons, youngsters will gain a deeper understanding of
core
Correct article usage
the core
show examples
 values and traditional events of their country.
Thus
, they can be motivated to carry on the best customs for the next generations to come.
On the other hand
,
children
 should be encouraged to have knowledge of the
history
 of the
world
. The modern trends towards globalisation
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 it more necessary for
children
 to have more knowledge of the past of the
world
. They will form a mutual understanding of ethnic groups and different cultures across the
world
. Another important aspect is that youngsters will gain a deeper understanding of the inter-relationship of nations and how international historical events,
such
 as colonisation, have formed our contemporary society. In conclusion, it is equally important for
children
 to learn about local
history
as well as
 the
history
 of the
world
.
Submitted by nhatrangthanyeu2013 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the given question and fully covers both sides of the argument. Use clear and specific examples to support each point.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well presented, providing a clear overview of the main points. However, ensure that the logical structure of the essay is well-organized to enhance coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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