Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness others however believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Money

brings joy to people’s lives in many ways. It depends upon a personal choice.

However

, there are predominantly two contrasting views where a section of society vehemently deems that they can spend wealth on their personal enhancement

while

others perceive that more ways to spend it.

This

essay will discuss both views in detail and provide my opinion. Apparently, there are

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

several reasons that make a section of society advocate that spending their hard earn on personal grooming will enhance their personality.

Additionally

, they perceive present trend can be followed by good dressing sense and high-priced beauty products. They believe that, if they will not

use

beauty products, they are called outdated.

For instance

, many actresses spend huge amounts on their garments,

cosmetics

Correct word choice

and cosmetics

show examples

to show their status.

Furthermore

mostly

Correct your spelling

most

show examples

Indian women have brown skin. It’s a

god

Correct your spelling

good

show examples

gift

then

also

they purchased costly cosmetics which has no

use

and are full of chemicals. More negative effects than positive.

On the other hand

, one group of people believe that there are many other sources where can they spend

money

. Will

money

can

Verb problem

apply

show examples

be used only for personal

use

and happiness

Change the punctuation

show examples

Definitely not. These persons think that if they

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

help and support more will get more satisfaction and self-reliance.

Secondly

, serving NGOs and donating to the needy will bring lots of joy. Food can be distributed to the poor by wealthy people. It’s other ways to invest hard

earning

Change the verb form

to earn

show examples

salary

Correct article usage

a salary

show examples

Thirdly

, simple living and high thinking

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

the

slogan

Fix the agreement mistake

slogans

show examples

for

this

kind of persona.

For example

, Ratan Tata is a well-renowned industrialist. But his prime quality is to help others.

Besides

that, during

covid

Correct your spelling

COVID-19

time film

actor

Fix the agreement mistake

actors

show examples

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

shown that he is a real

hero

Fix the agreement mistake

heroes

show examples

for the public by helping them. There are immense individuals who choose to contribute their pay to charity

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

self-personality grooming.

To conclude

, both have importance

according to

Correct article usage

the situations

show examples

situations

Fix the agreement mistake

situation

show examples

. We should wisely

use

hard earn

Correct your spelling

hard-earned

show examples

money

. Either

one

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

side will have a detrimental effect. We can make a balance between self-care and

need

Wrong verb form

needing

show examples

help.

Submitted by namita.sinha25 on Thu Sep 02 2021

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coherence cohesion

Develop your arguments more clearly and provide more specific examples to support your points. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points of your essay.

task achievement

You need to address the task more fully and provide a more comprehensive discussion of both views. Ensure that your examples are relevant and well-developed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

340 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness others however believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

Social media helps people to keep in touch with friends and stay on top of news and events. Do you think the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that the internet is used by all excessively. Do you agree this can have bad effect on children