Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness others however believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Money

Use synonyms

brings joy to people’s lives in many ways. It depends upon a personal choice.

However

Linking Words

, there are predominantly two contrasting views where a section of society vehemently deems that they can spend wealth on their personal enhancement

while

Linking Words

others perceive that more ways to spend it.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both views in detail and provide my opinion. Apparently, there are

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

several reasons that make a section of society advocate that spending their hard earn on personal grooming will enhance their personality.

Additionally

Linking Words

, they perceive present trend can be followed by good dressing sense and high-priced beauty products. They believe that, if they will not

use

Use synonyms

beauty products, they are called outdated.

For instance

Linking Words

, many actresses spend huge amounts on their garments,

cosmetics

Correct word choice

and cosmetics

show examples

to show their status.

Furthermore

Linking Words

mostly

Correct your spelling

most

show examples

Indian women have brown skin. It’s a

god

Correct your spelling

good

show examples

gift

then

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

they purchased costly cosmetics which has no

use

Use synonyms

and are full of chemicals. More negative effects than positive.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, one group of people believe that there are many other sources where can they spend

money

Use synonyms

. Will

money

Use synonyms

can

Verb problem

apply

show examples

be used only for personal

use

Use synonyms

and happiness

Change the punctuation

show examples

Definitely not. These persons think that if they

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

help and support more will get more satisfaction and self-reliance.

Secondly

Linking Words

, serving NGOs and donating to the needy will bring lots of joy. Food can be distributed to the poor by wealthy people. It’s other ways to invest hard

earning

Change the verb form

to earn

show examples

salary

Correct article usage

a salary

show examples

Thirdly

Linking Words

, simple living and high thinking

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

the

slogan

Fix the agreement mistake

slogans

show examples

for

this

Linking Words

kind of persona.

For example

Linking Words

, Ratan Tata is a well-renowned industrialist. But his prime quality is to help others.

Besides

Linking Words

that, during

covid

Correct your spelling

COVID-19

time film

actor

Fix the agreement mistake

actors

show examples

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

shown that he is a real

hero

Fix the agreement mistake

heroes

show examples

for the public by helping them. There are immense individuals who choose to contribute their pay to charity

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

self-personality grooming.

To conclude

Linking Words

, both have importance

according to

Linking Words

Correct article usage

the situations

show examples

situations

Fix the agreement mistake

situation

show examples

. We should wisely

use

Use synonyms

hard earn

Correct your spelling

hard-earned

show examples

money

Use synonyms

. Either

one

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

side will have a detrimental effect. We can make a balance between self-care and

need

Wrong verb form

needing

show examples

help.

namita.sinha25Thu Sep 02 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Develop your arguments more clearly and provide more specific examples to support your points. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points of your essay.

task achievement

You need to address the task more fully and provide a more comprehensive discussion of both views. Ensure that your examples are relevant and well-developed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

340 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
More and more people now own cars. What are the problems associated with an increase in the usage of private cars? How can these problems be solved?
Cars are one of the best industries in millennia. Even with the technological advestments, cars leave behind damage that cannot be controlled. there are two problems due to cat usage: air pollution, and global warming. In this essay I will invent a solutions for these issues and I ill clarify the main problems.
7.5
band
Artists and scientists both benefit society. Compare the contributions of artists and scientists. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more? Give examples.
Artists and scientists both play crucial roles in the development and enrichment of society, though their contributions are often valued in different ways. Artists enrich our lives through emotional expression and cultural reflection, while scientists drive progress through innovation and discovery. Each field contributes uniquely to the advancement and quality of human life.
7.5
band
n many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.
Economic growth is a sphere that receives more attention than any other national domain in many states all over the world. The principal benefits of this phenomenon are lower unemployment and wealthier citizens, and the main downsides are higher costs of living for most and insufficient support for the poorest.
7
band
In some countries, a lot of children have health issues and are becoming overweight. Some people think that the government should be responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the ultra-modern epoch, Most children are becoming obese. It is an argued issue, whether the regime ought to onus to measure this problem or not. Even though some masses told lawmaker should take appropriate action towards this scenario, I believe that offspring should take care of their health.
7.5
band
1.Scientists have been warning for many years about environmental protection and how important it is to limit our personal energy consumption. What are the causes of overconsumption of electricity? How can people be encouraged to use less energy?
For many years, the importance of environmental protection as well as the limitation of our energy consumption have been claimed by scientists. This essay argues that the cause associated with electricity overconsumption is the lack of awareness and suggests the surge in taxes on electricity and the use of renewable energy as reliable solutions.

Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness others however believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Your opinion

More and more people now own cars. What are the problems associated with an increase in the usage of private cars? How can these problems be solved?

Artists and scientists both benefit society. Compare the contributions of artists and scientists. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more? Give examples.

n many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

In some countries, a lot of children have health issues and are becoming overweight. Some people think that the government should be responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

1.Scientists have been warning for many years about environmental protection and how important it is to limit our personal energy consumption. What are the causes of overconsumption of electricity? How can people be encouraged to use less energy?