IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that women should stay at home and should take care of children, while others believe that women should work. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #women #home #care #children #work
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These days,
Correct your spelling
women
women's
womens
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women
show examples
 play
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 more vital role in the part of businesses than in the past, which
were
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was
show examples
 mainly responsible for housework and taking
care
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 of pupils. Some people allege all of
Use synonyms
women's
Add an article
the women's
show examples
 responsibility is raising
children
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, whereas others think that
women
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 can work outside, and find
incomes
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income
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explore the advantages of both views and provide my perspective, why
women
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 should only focus on taking
care
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 of
children
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. Being a mother and raising their
kids
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 are difficult tasks, and
fulltime
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full-time
show examples
job
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jobs
show examples
 because
children
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 need special
care
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 from their
parent
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parents
show examples
, especially
baby
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babies
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 aged less than a year. Babies in
this
Linking Words
 stage always cry over the entire night.
Therefore
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, If the mother is a businesswoman, she will be
exhuasted
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exhausted
 due to
sleepless
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sleeplessness
show examples
.
Moreover
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,
children
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 will be deserved
a
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apply
show examples
proper
care
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 from their mom, which is significantly different from
babysisters
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babysitters
baby sisters
. For
this
Linking Words
 reason, the family can save
massive
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a massive
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 amount of money to hire
babysisters
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babysitters
baby sisters
 and the
kids
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 will be taken
care
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by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 love from mom.
In
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On
show examples
 the other hand, working
women
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also
Linking Words
 provide some benefits including gaining more family income. Obviously,
with
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apply
show examples
double family incomes from a man and a woman can provide the better well-being of
family
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the family
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 and their
kids
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. They can afford the expensive educational fee for prestigious international schools or even
oversea
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overseas
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 universities. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
, in the future, their
children
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 have better
opportunity
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opportunities
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 to be recruited
in
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better companies. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the family which have
working
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a working
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 can provide higher income to the family and can bring about the better opportunity for their
kids
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 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of education, the benefits of having
Use synonyms
women only
Add a hyphen
women-only
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 focusing on raising
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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 outnumber the advantages of those working outside because they can spend the quality time with their pupils and make them grow up with love.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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