Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous?
movie stars and famous musicians may make high incomes and have a luxurious lifestyle.
However
, some people
think that they may not happy
with their own Add a missing verb
be happy
livings
. As far as I Replace the word
lives
Add a missing verb
am concern
concern
, I strongly believe in Replace the word
concerned
this
statement for several reasons which will be discussed in this
essay.
One of the main reasons is that superstars have less time
than other people
. This
is because they have to dedicate themselves to practising when they were
young. In order to be famous, most of their Wrong verb form
are
time
would spend
on shooting sites, entertainment events and concerts. Wrong verb form
be spent
As a result
, they are likely to have no time
to relaxed
or enjoying with families and friends. Taylor Swift is a good example. She became a famous singer Wrong verb form
relax
since
she was only 15 years old. She Correct word choice
when
told
that she never had a high school experience like other students of the same age as she had world tour concerts around the world.
Another interesting reason is that famous Verb problem
said
people
are likely to have less privacy. To explain, when they become more and more popular, people
can recognize them in public. It might disrupt their personal life. For example
, celebrities always are tracked by paparazzi who need news without respecting people
rights. Change noun form
people's
Also
, they have to be an ideal role model for young people
. It might limit things
they want to do.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
the things
the
high rate price is paid for obtaining Correct article usage
a
the
reputation as famous stars have less Correct article usage
a
time
with themselves and someone they love. They also
become a public person for societies. Although
they are rich, they tend to be unhappy due to
these reasons.Submitted by molwan_tae on
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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt by providing a clear opinion and addressing all aspects of the question. Develop the ideas in a more organized and focused manner.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the overall organization and development of ideas could be improved for better coherence and cohesion. Link the ideas more effectively through the proper use of linking words and cohesive devices.