IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co- operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #co- #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A segment of society
hold
Change the verb form
holds
show examples
 a viewpoint that feeling of the
competition
Use synonyms
 amidst pupil should be motivated. Whereas, others
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that inculcation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooperation is more advantageous
instead
Linking Words
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aspects will be explicated. The
first
Linking Words
 and foremost reason in lieu of the former view is that in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary times to excel in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
one
Use synonyms
 needs to confront the neck-fight
competition
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, if the
youngones
Correct your spelling
young ones
 are prepared since an early age for
this
Linking Words
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 it would be beneficial in strengthening their intellectual abilities.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not feel stressed while entering
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 the competitive world.
For example
Linking Words
, in
schools
Add a comma
,schools
show examples
 distinct
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of competitions are organised to acquaint the individuals with the ambience of the competitive environment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, instilling the emotions of
competition
Use synonyms
 among
youngones
Correct your spelling
young ones
 will be fruitful in the future.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the paramount role of coordination cannot be overlooked. Certainly, when
one
Use synonyms
 enters into the employment there will be an assignment of
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
. Owing to the fact, if the learners do not acknowledge the indispensable role of group tasks
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 it might be difficult for them to survive in the employment sector. Indeed, cooperation is
one
Use synonyms
 of the key
element
Fix the agreement mistake
elements
show examples
 to
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 a team leader or for climbing the stairs of success in professional as well as in personal life. To illustrate, sports like Cricket are won by a team endeavour
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sole efforts.
Therefore
Linking Words
, cooperation is
one
Use synonyms
 of the fundamental contributing
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
show examples
 in the holistic development of
adoloscents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
. In compendium, both the former and the latter view have equal importance in the
perosnality
Correct your spelling
personality
 development. These are the mandatory skills which are imbibed at an early age to became successful and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
survival.
Submitted by sangeeta252618 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: