Some people think that money is the most essential factor in promoting happiness Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

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It is widely believed that earning more

money

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will lead to increase happiness because

money

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is the critical factor of being happy. From my perspective, without much

money

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, everyone can be happy anyway. In the following paragraphs, I will examine in detail why

people

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can be happy by not being rich and I will discuss what other

factors

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could make us happy. It is undeniable that

money

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is vital for living because everyone

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

it to purchase essential things

such

Linking Words

food

Change preposition

as food

show examples

, transportation, houses, etc.

People

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have to work to earn

money

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in order to take care of their families.

Although

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Remove the comma

apply

show examples

people

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would gain different wages and not have much

money

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, they can still be happy.

For example

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, families ,who have enough

money

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for

Change preposition

show examples

living, can spend time together and

this

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makes them happy. Some

people

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said that rich

people

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have

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apply

show examples

happier

life

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than poor

people

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However

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, the researchers from Harvard University discovered that getting more

money

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can increase happiness, at

Remove the article

apply

show examples

certain level happiness will not increase even

people

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earn more wages due to other

factors

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Therefore

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, there are several key

factors

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that

effects

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effect

show examples

our positive

emotional

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emotions

show examples

Firstly

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, a good relationship with family, friends, and teammate

have

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has

show examples

a positive impact to make

people

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gratitude their

life

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Secondly

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, healthy

people

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tend to be

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apply

show examples

happier than

people

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who do not get

excercises

Correct your spelling

exercises

Lastly

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, self-esteem is one of the key

factor

Change to a plural noun

factors

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that

allow

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allows

show examples

people

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understand

Fix the infinitive

to understand

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nature and accept what

happend

Correct your spelling

happened

to their

life

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. In conclusion,

people

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can be happy without being rich since

happy

Replace the word

happiness

show examples

could be built by both internal and external

factors

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such

Linking Words

as relationships with others,

health

Replace the word

healthy

show examples

life

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, and self-esteem.

kanokwann.joySat Sep 04 2021

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Essential factor
Promote happiness
Sense of fulfillment
Social connections
Well-being
Physical health
Mental health
Goals and ambitions
Sense of purpose
Fulfillment
Engaging in activities
Hobbies
Gratitude
Contentment
Supportive community
Inclusive environment

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Some people think that money is the most essential factor in promoting happiness Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

Nowadays in many countries chemicals are used to produce and preserve food. Do the advantages of this use outweigh the disadvantages?

The advantages brought by the spread of English as a “global language” will outweigh disadvantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Some educationalists think that a programme of international exchange visits is beneficial to all teenage school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in seprate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion