IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries, many more people are choosing to leave nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #development
The number of one-person households is increasing exponentially in developed countries
such
 as Japan and Korea. It is a significant societal change as family members within three or four generations used to live together in the past.
However
, I firmly believe that
this
 is a harmful development that worsens our mental health and takes away the ability to take care of the elderly.
First
 of all,
people
 become more vulnerable to mental illness when they live on their own.
People
, especially young ones, are busy and have to face lots of pressure every day. When they have no one to share their thoughts and feelings, it can spiral down to depression and even suicide.
Thus
, living alone takes a tremendous toll on our mental healths.
Moreover
, the elderly suffer from various issues when they live alone, either with or without stable incomes. In Korea, older
people
 are often not financially supported by the government. And, it is not uncommon to see Korean grandmas have to collect trash all day to feed themselves. While in Japan, where older adults have sufficient savings, they may pass away alone for months before anyone notices.
Hence
, the increasing trend of living alone is doing more harm than good for the older generation, who have already sacrificed a lot for us. In a nutshell, as a one-person household leading to mental health illness and neglecting of the old generation, it is not a social improvement. In the future, the government should decentralize the workforce so that
people
 do not have to live away from their family members. They can
also
 promote share houses or other community-based living styles, so we
people
 can live and take care of others.
Submitted by longgnnguyen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: