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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people around the world are choosing to move to live in cities. What problems do people experience in big cities?

Nowadays, a growing number of individuals worldwide prefer to live in big
cities
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instead
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 of moving to smaller towns.
Nonetheless
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,
this
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 trend can cause unpredictable consequences. Overcrowding is an issue in many
cities
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 around the world , and there are several reasons for
this
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 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to various problems in the future. First of all, there is one major issue that governments need to be concerned about. As more
people
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 settle in urban areas, the number of cars on the road increases significantly, leading to long and stressful journeys.
For example
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, in
cities
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 like Istanbul,
people
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 often spend hours driving in traffic every day, which affects their mental state.
Moreover
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, traffic congestion
also
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 has a negative effect on the environment,
such
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 as air pollution , which harms
people
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’s health.
Therefore
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, precautions should be taken before it is too late. There are several solutions to address
this
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 matter.
For instance
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, governments should invest in public transportation systems. If buses, subways and trains are made more efficient, affordable and comfortable, more
people
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 would be encouraged to use them
instead
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 of driving private vehicles.
Additionally
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,
cities
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 can create harsher policies with serious fines.
Hence
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, these solutions would not only reduce the number of cars but
also
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 help in decreasing pollution levels and improving the quality of life. In conclusion,
although
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 urban life has its own advantages, the problem of overcrowding and traffic is a serious concern that affects millions of
people
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 that are residing in big
cities
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.
However
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, governments can take efficient steps towards solving these issues and making city life more manageable for everyone.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more examples to support your ideas. For instance, using specific cities or statistics can strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Although your ideas flow well, consider using more linking words to enhance connections between your sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Make your introduction more engaging. A strong opening statement can grab the reader's attention better.
task achievement
You have clearly identified specific problems related to living in big cities, such as traffic and pollution.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in your essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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