People believe that individuals who make a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that those who contribute to society like scientists, teachers are the most successful. Discuss both and give your opinion?

Many
people
believe that citizens who have lucrative incomes are the most successful while others think that
people
who have certain achievements that totally contribute to society are the most successful. In my perspective,
life
is better when you achieve social organization. On the one hand, persons who
Add a missing verb
are expert
show examples
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
at making money will enhance absolutely
life
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
. When the percentage of
people
who have a high salary climbs,
this
is the main reason to create a strong increase in GDP.
Besides
, these
people
also
make the rate of production and consumption
also
incredibly peaked.
For example
, in Vietnam, many ubiquitous singers, famous businesses always have social charity activities which support many poor
people
.
In addition
, with an abundance of money, they easily have some luxury hobbies
such
as buying famous cars, clothes,… which alter the quality of
life
perfectly.
On the other hand
, making significant contributions to society
such
as teachers, doctors
also
deserves the respect of many
people
. These
people
who have responsibilities to
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
motivation, convey knowledge which is definitely beneficial for enhancing the development of the children and the adolescent.
For instance
, in the pandemic period, with the presence of scientists that cause the appearance of vaccines, we totally have
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
show examples
to defeat the danger of coronavirus.
Moreover
, the contribution of these
people
also
meet
Change the verb form
meets
show examples
the demand for the fundamental side which is cognitive development. To conclude, there is no doubt the crucial of
people
who make a large of money, they are
also
beneficial for the country’s economy,
however
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
suppose that extremely better when
people
can spend their
life
on contributing
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by plt13112001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial prosperity
  • capitalizing
  • luxury travel
  • exclusive experiences
  • contributions to society
  • humanitarian workers
  • lasting impact
  • highly subjective
  • cultural, societal, and personal values
  • comfort and security
  • deeper personal satisfaction
  • holistic understanding
What to do next:
Look at other essays: