IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

many manufactured food and drink products contain high level off sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 advocate that unhealthy products which have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 percentage of
sugar
Use synonyms
 have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on
people
Use synonyms
 health.
Thus
Linking Words
 they believe that if
Change the determiner
these
show examples
this
Linking Words
 foods raise prices ,
people
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 demands reduce simultaneously. I
agree
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onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement with two main reasons which are going to explain in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many individuals accept that
Sugar
Use synonyms
 causes numerous health problems that are obesity,
colestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
 and
diabeth
Correct your spelling
diabetes
. Most of the experts give precautions about
risk
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the risk
show examples
 of
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 using for
people
Use synonyms
 who are keen on
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 do not notice
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 importance of their health So they come across
healt
Correct your spelling
health
 obstacles
,
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apply
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when they obtain
mindfullness
Correct your spelling
mindfulness
 related harm of
sugar
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. Plenty of Countries decided that the price of
sugar
Use synonyms
 products raise and they undertake responsibilities from societies affect.
Similarly
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, some
of
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apply
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states
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the states
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forhibid
Correct your spelling
forbid
 that produce
food
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 and drink categories
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 contain high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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,
People
Use synonyms
who
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whom
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 parents lose control upon their
children
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 nutrition tendency.
Furthermore
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, it is undeniable that most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
Use synonyms
 are addicted
junk
Fix the infinitive
to junk
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food
Use synonyms
. Regarding
to
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apply
show examples
teachers,
Nutritition
Correct your spelling
Nutrition
 plays
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role
on
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in
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the
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apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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to
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apply
show examples
, If they do not get enough
vitamin
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vitamins
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 and
minarel
Correct your spelling
mineral
minerals
 , they face some
of
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apply
show examples
problems
Add an article
the problems
show examples
 that their cognitive and physical
devolepment
Correct your spelling
development
. To exemplify, many
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
show examples
 in Europe, they make
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 itinerary
releated
Correct your spelling
related
food
Use synonyms
 plan and they increase
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
 of junk foods in school canteen so they force on
children
Use synonyms
 due to
children
Use synonyms
 following
this
Linking Words
 plan and avoid
tendency
Add an article
the tendency
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 buy junk
food
Use synonyms
. To sum up, plenty of
people
Use synonyms
 admitted that
Sugar
Use synonyms
 is too
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
 materials for individuals. Sugary
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
praices
Correct your spelling
prices
 should increase to encourage individuals to tend to less level of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dynasty_sern on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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