In some societies the number of crime committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extend do you agree?

#societies #crime #teenagers #people #age #crimes #adult #punishment

increasing

Replace the word

increase

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

number of

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

which was committed by teenagers becomes a

critial

Correct your spelling

critical

problem in some societies, while some

people

believe that anyone who commits

serious

Add an article

a serious

show examples

crime should receive

punishment

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

adult

Correct article usage

an adult

show examples

. From my perspective, I totally agree with the idea. In the following paragraphs, I will give the reasons to support my viewpoint.

Firstly

, I believe that normal

people

, who have a positive mind, cannot commit major crimes, including murder, rape, kidnapping, etc.

Only

Change the article

The only

show examples

one who has

criminal

Correct article usage

a criminal

show examples

mind can make it, so societies should not let any criminal receive less

punishment

For example

, the result of surveys from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Harvard University revealed that

teengers

Correct your spelling

teenagers

who

commited

Correct your spelling

committed

critical crimes when they were young may repeat the same case after they get out of

jails

Fix the agreement mistake

jail

show examples

. Another example is that a

pyschopath

Correct your spelling

psychopath

, a serial killer, cannot be cured.

Therefore

, we should treat any murderer equally.

Second

, it is widely believed that adults have better judgement than children.

Nonetheless

, some

people

argue that being a good man does not require age.

Thus

, everyone should have

Remove the article

apply

show examples

positive morale.

Besides

people

should learn how to reduce their

greedy

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greed

show examples

and malice.

Crimials

Correct your spelling

Criminals

always did the same scene again and again.

Hence

, to prevent societies from crimes, it is better to sentence every criminal hardly. In

conclusio

Correct your spelling

conclusion

, I

argee

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agree

argue

that any teenager should get the

punishment

as much as he or she

deserve

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deserves

show examples

, as criminals have not been

developped

Correct your spelling

developed

in overnight.

Thus

, their behaviours will not

Change the verb form

be changed

show examples

change

Correct your spelling

changed

show examples

by receiving small

punishment

Fix the agreement mistake

punishments

show examples

Submitted by kanokwann.joy on Mon Sep 06 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some societies the number of crime committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extend do you agree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g.: goods, service, news ). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet. What problems may this trend lead to? What solutions would you recomend?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. What might be the cases? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed?

Some people say that the Internet is bringing people together by making the world smaller. Do you agree that the Internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?