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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one’s own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#parts #world #research #history #one’s #people #development
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With the development of technology, it is now possible for people to study the
history
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 of their ancestors. There are several rationales that encourage modern citizens to
conduct
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this
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research
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.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, I assume that
this
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 may be a breakthrough movement of human beings to identify their roots. In
this
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 essay, I shall put forth some ideas to exemplify
this
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 positive development with some lucid examples. At
first,
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tracing back the
history
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 of a family can aid descendants in understanding thoroughly their ancestors
as well as
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locate
Wrong verb form
locating
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 distant relatives.
For instance
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, studying the root of family members may not only assist historians in identifying more information on the
history
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 of their countries
as well as
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 help royal members locate their distant intimates.
As a result
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, the
research
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 may play a pivotal role in maintaining the
root
Fix the agreement mistake
roots
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 of royal families to consecutive generations.
Additionally
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, in big families with
hundred
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hundreds
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 of members,
research
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 on the family
history
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 may be vital to draw the family tree, which is a useful graph that helps younger generations acknowledge their ancestors and roots.
On the other hand
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, it is not always possible for normal inhabitants to
conduct
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this
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 type of study as not all people can afford it. In fact, one often needs to spend an abundant amount of money to hire historian specialists and experienced researchers to
conduct
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this
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 type of
research
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.
Moreover
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, it often takes a lot of time and resources and not many families are patient to wait for the results.
In addition
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 to
this
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, not all the results can bring positive results to one family and may affect one 's life.
For example
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, if an individual is found to be closely connected to the royal family, his daily life may be influenced and disturbed by curious journalists who want to
conduct
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 interviews and investigate his personal life. In conclusion,
while
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 I believe that learning the
history
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 of a family may bring valuable information that helps offspring understand thoroughly their roots, it is
also
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 worth considering the challenges that it may bring.
Submitted by npanhtuan09 on

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Task Response
Your response provides a mix of relevant and irrelevant information. Ensure your ideas directly address the given question. Focus on providing clear and comprehensive ideas that directly answer the essay prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure, there are some issues with coherence and cohesion. Ensure that your ideas are linked, and the progression of ideas is clear to the reader. Additionally, pay attention to the use of cohesive devices to improve coherence.
Lexical Resource
Your use of vocabulary is varied and includes some less common lexical items. However, there are also instances of inaccurate word choice and awkward phrasing. Pay attention to precise word choice and ensure that your vocabulary enhances the clarity and accuracy of your essay.
Grammatical Range
There is a range of complex and simple sentences used throughout the essay. However, there are also some grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures. Review your use of punctuation, tenses, and sentence structure for improved grammatical accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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