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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some educationalists argue that non-exam, arts-based subjects, such as music, drama, art and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, some educational professors have deemed that
art
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-relevant
courses
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 (e.g., music, drama,
art
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, and craft) add to a compulsory course system for high school
students
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 since it is a paramount approach to improving academic
performance
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. Personally, I fundamentally agree with
this
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 assertion for two reasons. One significant benefit of attending
art
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 activities is that they can develop
students
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' creativity in an
art
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 atmosphere, as everyone has to use their brain to imagine how to produce their artwork during their class process, and it is certainly a valuable chance to practice their brain neuro-development.
For instance
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, Elon Musk is a smarter person who has got scientific and
art
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 bachelor degree.
Hence
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, the example of Musk totally proves the importance of learning
art
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 classes and high intellectual representation of excellent academic
performance
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.
In addition
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, participation in
art
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courses
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 is a good way for
students
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 to relieve their stress, especially learning stress.
This
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 is because these
art
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-relevant
courses
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 do not need to take part in exams, and participants do not produce a feeling of anxiety for upcoming tests.
Moreover
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, if someone is suffering from an anxiety problem, they are not likely to show a fabulous
performance
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.
For example
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, listening to music is a common method to chill out in modern society;
therefore
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, adding
art
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courses
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 to compulsory
courses
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 is beneficial for individuals' academic
performance
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. In summary, based on a new proposal that adding
art
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-relevant
courses
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 into compulsory
courses
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 in modern society. There are two major reasons why
this
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 proposal benefits
students
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' academic
performance
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.
Firstly
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, it can improve personal intellectual ability;
Secondly
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, it can help
students
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 who feel anxious to drop out of their overstress. In short, I agree
this
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 opinion.

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task achievement
Ensure that your main ideas are directly related to the task question and stay focused on them throughout your paragraphs. Elaborate on the ideas with more substantial support and evidence to strengthen your argument while maintaining relevance.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by using a variety of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas more effectively. Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next and that the overall essay progressively builds on its main ideas.
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